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mary rosenblum
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Hello, all!
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mary rosenblum
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I hope you had a great
weekend!
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. If you're
new here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or
the 'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen,
or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular
'send' bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question
to reach me.
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mary rosenblum
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I've had quite a few email
questions about transitions from people who can't make the Forum in
person...
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mary rosenblum
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I gather that this is a topic
of interest to many. And it's a critical one in the world of pacing.
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mary rosenblum
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It would be nice if our
stories flowed along like the original Indian Jones movie Raiders of the
Lost Ark that came out a decade or two ago...
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mary rosenblum
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which had a life and death
cliff hanger every fifteen minutes and action in between! :-)
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mary rosenblum
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There WERE no slow spots.
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mary rosenblum
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But in our fiction, short and
long, we end up having to get our character through a long, boring day
before the action starts again...
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mary rosenblum
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or we need to span a few years
and can't afford to bore readers with a long account of not much.
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mary rosenblum
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And in reality, writing a
scene without a lot of dramatic tension is MUCH harder than writing a fight
or flight scene.
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mary rosenblum
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Action is a matter of
choreography. Making a boring day at work interesting is a challenge!
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mary rosenblum
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And that is where transitions
are useful tools.
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jackie7777
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How do I span several years in 2
chapters or less?
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mary rosenblum
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This is the question that I
received most often in the past days or so.
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mary rosenblum
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Even in a short story, you
sometimes need to leap ahead a few years.
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mary rosenblum
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There are a couple of ways to
do this.
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mary rosenblum
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One is to use a skipped line
and centered * to indicate a change in time and/or place.
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mary rosenblum
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Now if you do this, you must
ground the reader FIRMLY in the new time and/or place when you begin.
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mary rosenblum
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Readers will assume that not
much time has passed as 'default'.
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mary rosenblum
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If a lot of time has
passed...more than a day, say...you need to make it very very clear.
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mary rosenblum
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The longer the lapsed time,
the more words you need to spend on those first 'grounding' sentences.
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mary rosenblum
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If, say, a week has passed,
you might only need a sentence. Here's an example:
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mary rosenblum
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Angelina waved good-bye to her
grandmother as she climbed the steps of the bus. As it pulled away from the
station, she craned her neck to keep the tiny, stooped figure in sight as long
as possible.
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mary rosenblum
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*
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mary rosenblum
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That indicates change in
time/place.
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mary rosenblum
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A week later, Angelina was
still adjusting to dorm life. She missed Granny. A lot.
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mary rosenblum
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Okay, I have made the
transition in a single sentence here.
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mary rosenblum
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A week later, Angelina was
still adjusting to dorm life. We know when we are and where we are right
away. That is all that is needed.
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mary rosenblum
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But what if we want to skip
ahead five years? That is going to take at least a brief summary of that
gap. It's too big to simply leap across as we did with our week.
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, things happened in a
week, but probably not much. However, in five years, things surely happened
that developed this character, changed her in some ways...
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mary rosenblum
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and we need to aknowlege them.
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frazz
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Do you have to use the *?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, frazz, you do. It is to
tell the editor that you skipped the line on purpose...
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mary rosenblum
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it's not just a printer
hiccough.
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mary rosenblum
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And sometimes that
transitional skipped line occurs at the bottom of the page. Uh oh.
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mary rosenblum
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In the published form, it will
usually be nothing but a skipped line.
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frazz
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Couldn't that just be the next
sentence?
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mary rosenblum
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Not a good idea, frazz.
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mary rosenblum
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Remember, you are writing for
a lot of strangers and not all of them are careful readers.
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mary rosenblum
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Our task is not only to
deliver a powerful story, it is also to make that story accessable to as
many readers as we can...
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mary rosenblum
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which means giving some
thought to the mechanics of the prose. A careless reader...who may love
your work and be deeply affected by it...may well read right through that
transition...
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mary rosenblum
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if you do not make it VERY
clear, and then have to backtrack to figure out when and where we are.
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mary rosenblum
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You can certainly make a
transition without the asterisk, but you need to sort of tap the reader on
the shoulder so he/she doesn't bolt right past it.
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mary rosenblum
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Here's an example of the same
thing with no asterisk transition:
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mary rosenblum
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Angelina waved goodbye to her
grandmother as she climbed the steps of the bus. As it pulled away from the
station, she craned her neck to keep the tiny, stooped figure in sight...
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mary rosenblum
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as long as possible. The
arrival at school was just about as traumatic as she had expected and she
barely had time to think about Granny, much less...
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mary rosenblum
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miss her as she scrambled to
register for classes and purchase all her books. A week later, she was
still adjusting to dorm life. She missed Granny now. A lot.
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mary rosenblum
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If you'll notice, I had to add
in details of what transpired between that backward look and the missing
granny a week later part.
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mary rosenblum
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Now these might not be
important details at all in the story...buying books, registering for
classes.
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mary rosenblum
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If you have a 3000 word limit
and a big story to tell, words are precious to you.
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mary rosenblum
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Why use these unimportant
details? Transitions with a * are like tucks in fabric.
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mary rosenblum
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Think of a pleated skirt. If
you took all the stitches out, a pleated skirt that might be a mere 30
inches wide, is now about 90inches wide. Way too much fabric for a neat,
smooth skirt.
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mary rosenblum
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But most of that fabric is
folded and out of sight. That is what transitions do.
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mary rosenblum
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They tuck unnecessary
stretches of time out of sight, so that the story can stay tight and fast
paced.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. If you're
new here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or
the 'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen,
or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular
'send' bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question
to reach me.
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gail
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Great analogy! :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Well, at least for the sewers
amongst us! LOL
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mary rosenblum
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The WHOLE story here would
involved Angelina arriving at school, meeting new people, evaluating her
roommate and so forth.
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mary rosenblum
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But these actions and details
don't matter to our plot, so the story itself would be on hold while we
related all this extra stuff. And the tension would sag. So we tuck that
sagging slow stuff out of sight with our *
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mary rosenblum
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Let's look at the same
example, but we're going to skip ahead five years now.
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mary rosenblum
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This means we can't get away
with a single sentence to ground the reader...unless Angelina had a VERY
boring five years!
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mary rosenblum
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For our week lapse, we used: A
week later, she was still adjusting to dorm life. She missed Granny now. A
lot.
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mary rosenblum
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Okay, here is our five year
leap.
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mary rosenblum
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Angelina sat on the sofa,
smiling sadly as she replayed that half-forgotten memory in her head. It
seemed like yesterday, that good-bye, not five years ago. If only she had
known that Granny had only a few weeks to live, she would have put off
college.
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mary rosenblum
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She might have been there when
Granny died, instead of miles away, studying for a math class. She checked
her watch. Ten minutes until class started.
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mary rosenblum
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She got up, gathering the
papers she'd just graded. Granny would be so proud of her. She had always
wanted Angelina to become a teacher.
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mary rosenblum
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Okay, we have now covered five
years without spending too many words. Granny died. Angelina is either a
teacher now, or perhaps doing her student teaching.
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mary rosenblum
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We are clearly in the school
where she teaches since she only has ten minutes until class.
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mary rosenblum
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And we did this here within
Angelina's POV. I did not insert my voice into the story and give the
readers a narrative about her five years.
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mary rosenblum
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Instead, I let Angelina recall
the past five years as she remembers Granny. This is 'showing' the
transition to the reader.
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mary rosenblum
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Telling would be the author
narrative version. Here goes:
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mary rosenblum
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Two weeks after the bus pulled
out of the station, Angelina's grandmother passed away. Broken hearted,
Angelina applied herself diligently to her classes, earning highest honors
every term.
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mary rosenblum
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Five years later, she had
accomplished her goal. She was a teacher.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the narrative version,
rather than Angelina's POV. The only reason to think twice about doing it
this way...
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mary rosenblum
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is that your voice as author
intrudes and reminds the readers that they are not living your story, but
rather, they are simply reading about it.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. If you're
new here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or
the 'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen,
or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular
'send' bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question
to reach me.
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jackie7777
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find it most disturbing having
to guess where I am in a nov
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jackie7777
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...novel when there has been no
clear transition.
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mary rosenblum
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No kidding jackie. It is a
HUGE jolt to the reader. About the third time I have to scramble around and
figure out where I am, I'm ready to quit reading and usually do.
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frazz
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And all of what you wrote is
after the *?
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mary rosenblum
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Right, frazz. I didn't repeat
the part before the * just because I typed it in here and I can't cut and
paste within ichat. Should have typed in on my word processor first. :-)
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diana
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I don't see the examples that
you and others give as "telling rather than showing" are bad
examples of writing.
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mary rosenblum
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They're not 'bad writing'
diana. Telling has its uses certainly. Many effective stories are 'told'.
Think of fairy tales for example..
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mary rosenblum
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BUT it depends on what you are
trying to achieve.
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mary rosenblum
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If you can cause your readers
to forget that they are sitting on the sofa and reading about people they
don't know...
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mary rosenblum
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if you can suck them into the
story so that they totally forget where they are and begin to live the
story with your characters..
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mary rosenblum
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then those characters and that
story become very real and have a profound impact on the reader.
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mary rosenblum
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The problem with 'telling' is
that it reminds the reader with every sentence:
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mary rosenblum
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You are not living this story.
I am telling you about it. It is not real.
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mary rosenblum
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And generally, the effect will
not be as profound. Yes, the reader may certainly enjoy your story and your
characters...
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mary rosenblum
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but the reader will be aware
that they are NOT real, that this IS a story. Me, I like to transport my
readers into my worlds...
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mary rosenblum
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and leave them with characters
who are new friends and real people. ;-)
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seabeewife
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those are the best books and the
ones i remember
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mary rosenblum
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Me, too, seebee, and that's
why I do it. Works for readers, too. I get a lot of feedback from fans
about characters, so I get to judge just how much I can do this. :-)
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sailor
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When the time gap is long, like
5 years, is it more common to see a chapter break than an *?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, sailor. Generally, in
novel form, you won't use a * transition. Instead you will simply begin a
new chapter.
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mary rosenblum
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Sometimes, you might use a *
transition within a chapter, rather than create two very short ones, but
generally, you can do your scene breaks at the chapter end.
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mary rosenblum
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Most of the time, the *
transition is used in short fiction instead of a chapter break.
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gail
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I'm curious about transitions
between various players in a short story format. How can I effectively --
or should I even try -- write about two different groups of people who meet
during the climax?
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mary rosenblum
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I take it you are talking
about POV changes, gail.
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mary rosenblum
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This is VERY hard to pull off.
I can think I"ve done it clearly and STILL get a lot of complaints
from readers who missed it!
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, if you are shifting POV,
DO use a * transition to make the shift clear and then be VERY VERY careful
to clearly ground the reader not only in the new time/place, but also in
the new POV.
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mary rosenblum
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I would use the new POV's name
in the first sentence if you can.
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mary rosenblum
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For example, if we end the
scene with Angelina looking back at Granny and then shift ahead one week to
her sister Sally, we'd have to do that first 'grounding' sentence
differently.
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mary rosenblum
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A week later, Sally sat on
Angelina's bed, wondering if her sister would ever adjust to college life.
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mary rosenblum
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Now we are a week later, in
college on Angelina's bed, and in Sally's POV.
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dellexis
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If I am understanding you
correctly, to make the large leap, you connect the two memories of past and
present from lets say a simple note granny wrote her years ago
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mary rosenblum
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That's one way to do it, dell.
It is a good idea to use some connecting point like that. Again, you are
trying to make it clear and easy for the reader to make the leap...
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mary rosenblum
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since you aren't there in
person to explain! :-) I often use some sort of repeated image, thought,
memory or what have you to connect the two time/place segments.
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jackie7777
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Can you transition successfully
in a memoir?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, Jackie. It's the same
type of transition you make in first person. We've been using third so far.
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mary rosenblum
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In first person or memoir, you
simply let the POV character summarize the lapsed time.
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mary rosenblum
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I spent the next five boring
years at State U. Nothing much happened except that I wrote a bunch of
worthless papers and experienced an amazing range of hangovers.
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mary rosenblum
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It's actually easier to cover
large segments of time in first person because your POV character takes the
responsibility for how much or little to tell. YOU the author get no blame.
:-)
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tkat_2
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The time changes in the Kurt
Vonnegut novels were so many that I got confused.
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mary rosenblum
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Tkat, I have heard Mr.
Vonnegut say during interviews that he has no simpathy with readers and
expects them to have to work to 'get' his stories. If they can't follow
'em, too bad.
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mary rosenblum
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This is not an attitude I
share, I have to say.
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anne shiever of ks
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so this would also work
excellent in writing a play, but what about a story telling poem style
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mary rosenblum
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I'm not quite sure, anne, what
you mean by a story telling poem style...
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mary rosenblum
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poetic style is not my area of
expertise, I have to admit. Prose yes. :-)
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seabeewife
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The best feedback I got from my
instructor was that my
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seabeewife
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characters where rememberable
and real
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mary rosenblum
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That is very good praise,
seabee!
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gail
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I would guess that Mr. Vonnegut
opportunities are severely limited with that attitude.
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mary rosenblum
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Well, Mr. Vonnegut is a LOT
more famous than I am. :-) But he's welcome to his attitude. He's not the
only one...mostly in the literary field, I've noticed.
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jackie7777
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How about transitioning in a
biography?
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mary rosenblum
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Same thing, jackie. A clear,
concise summary of any important events will do it.
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mary rosenblum
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After the Revolutionary war
ended, George Washington spent the next seven years repairing and restoring
the family estate...
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mary rosenblum
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That sort of thing.
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anne shiever of ks
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If you write a story in a
rhyming style such as poetry would you simply address the time frame in the
same manner
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mary rosenblum
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Ah, I see. Yes, anne, you
would, but of course, with the consideration of word choice and poetic
form. There you would probably use a more narrative form.
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ladybug
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Can you give an example of
showing words vs. telling words?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure ladybug. In essence, you
are telling when you filter the description though YOUR perception rather
than through the character's perception.
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mary rosenblum
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For example, I can TELL you.
Annie's alarm didn't go off and she got up in a hurry, afraid that she
would be late.
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mary rosenblum
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You're not seeing the room,
you're not realizing that you are late, you are simply hearing me tell you
about Annie. Let's step into Annie's head here and do the same scene
through HER perceptions.
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mary rosenblum
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Seven o'clock! Annie bolted
upright, throwing off the covers. Late again! Mr. Bolters would fire her.
She dashed for the bathroom...
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mary rosenblum
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See the difference? We are
pretending to be sharing Annie's thoughts here.
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mary rosenblum
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Oh my gosh, we think. Seven
o'clock! We are sharing her actions as she bolts upright and flings off the
covers. I only use words that describe the action. Late again is Annie's
thought.
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mary rosenblum
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Mr Bolters would fire her, is
her thought, too.
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anne shiever of ks
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As the five years passed by she
watched the little tree that sat outside her bedroom window grow into a
beautiful green bush with little red flowers Would that be a description of
words rather than telling words
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mary rosenblum
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That's a good transition,
Anne. It's a narrative transition, but feels like the character's POV to
me, so I wouldn't be jarred by an authorial intrustion. Nice example.
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seabeewife
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showing takes a lot of getting
to know your character
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mary rosenblum
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It does indeed. :-) That's why
characterization is critical and why showing and good characterization go
hand in hand. Chicken and egg scenario there!
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mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. If you're
new here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or
the 'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen,
or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular
'send' bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question
to reach me.
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gail
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Is the difference between
"showing" and "telling" one of "voice." If we
write with the POV's voice, then we are "showing." But, when we
write with our own observances, we are "telling." Would these be
accurate summaries?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes! That's exactly it, gail.
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mary rosenblum
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If you are trying to show the
scene to the reader, ask yourself constantly: would my POV see this? Feel
this? Think this?
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mary rosenblum
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This is one of the questions I
received this week:
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mary rosenblum
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I would like you to answer
those very questions about boring days not boring
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mary rosenblum
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She was asking about how to
make a boring day not seem boring.
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mary rosenblum
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The trick there is to simply
summarize it in a sentence and move on.
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mary rosenblum
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That's what transitions do
best...we tuck the boring sections out of sight, to create a tighly paced,
seamless whole.
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mary rosenblum
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Say we have a mystery. Our POV
Adam goes to bed at the end of a scene.
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mary rosenblum
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The next dramatic peak will
come after work, when he spies the mysterious man who is involved with the
murder he's investigating.
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mary rosenblum
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He will chase the man and end
up attacked in a warehouse.
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mary rosenblum
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Lots of action and
drama...BUT...we have to get through the day at the office first.
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mary rosenblum
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So you transition through it.
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mary rosenblum
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The morning dragged. Adam kept
seeing Roberta's pale, dead face and made mistake after mistake. Finally,
his boss told him to go home early, make up the time later. It took Adam
thirty seconds to clear his desk and hit the door.
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mary rosenblum
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We've summarized the boring
morning. YOu want the reader to know that the morning dragged, but don't
want the SCENE to drag.
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gail
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There are instances I can think
of where the boredom of a character's day/weeks/years/etc. is outlined (in
the beginning) to create some characterization. How can this be done
effectively without losing the readers' interest?
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mary rosenblum
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Keep it short, gail.
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mary rosenblum
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A very few details of a boring
and repetive life will give the reader a sense of the character's limited
life..
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mary rosenblum
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without being a boring and
repetitive scene that makes us reach for the next book in the bedside pile!
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gail
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I'm writing a story of an
arduous journey, and in trying to establish that "feel" I am
"with the characters" (almost) every step of the way. Is this
doable/workable or just plain BORING?
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mary rosenblum
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That's always a tightrope,
gail. Remember that a brief scene with vivid details makes a huge
impression on the reader.
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mary rosenblum
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It is often better to do a
vivid and intense scene of the daily slog and then summarize the rest of
the journey...
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mary rosenblum
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rather than drag us through
day after day of get up/eat/slog/sleep/get up/eat/slog/sleep...
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mary rosenblum
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I can't tell you what would
work best for YOUR story without reading it, but too much boring travel is
a frequent flaw in novice ms.
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anne shiever of ks
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So in theory we are writing more
with the five senses than thw who what when where why how technique
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, Anne, if you want to
immerse your reader in your world. You do your best to emulate reality,
where we acquire information though our five senses...
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mary rosenblum
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rather than from a voiceover
in our heads. :-) That's it exactly.
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mary rosenblum
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And that is why showing works
so well. Because it emulates reality it makes the story feel real.
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gail
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The journey is the story.
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gail
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One day only.
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mary rosenblum
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Shouldn't be a problem. That
is a short journey!
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mary rosenblum
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It's not what you are doing or
for how long, Gail, it's simply a matter of 'are there enough dramatic
peaks to hold our attention.
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mary rosenblum
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You can have a 500 page novel
that is nothing but one long trek across the Sahara and it can hold readers
riveted.
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gail
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In other words, the character's
life may be monotonously boring, but our prose must NOT be. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Yep. The CHARACTER can be
bored. NOT the reader! :-)
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frazz
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How would you get to something
that happened on the third...
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frazz
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or fourth day of that jouney?
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mary rosenblum
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You'd just transition through
'em, Frazz. You could use a * transition and begin section two with: On the
fourth day, .... and continue.
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mary rosenblum
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Or you could just transition
through without the * break.
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mary rosenblum
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Say you have a vivid scene
that takes place on day one. You could continue like this: The next three
days passed uneventfully.
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mary rosenblum
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Joshua's horse lost a shoe,
but he mounted the spare and led the limping roan. By the fourth day,
everybody had begun to relax.
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mary rosenblum
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We have skipped over day two
and three. The only thing of note was the lost shoe and change in horses.
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mary rosenblum
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Now we are at day four.
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anne shiever of ks
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then we feel the waves upon our
face, smell the salty ocean, see the beautiful blue green water etc...
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mary rosenblum
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Yep. Exactly, anne!
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mary rosenblum
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I find it much more fun to
write like that, since I get to do and feel all those things, too. :-)
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seabeewife
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Look at all the wandering or
traveling in Lord of the Rings
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mary rosenblum
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Yep, and at all the adventures
that take place on those various journeys.
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mary rosenblum
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Transitions are something that
few novice writers use often enough. I didn't, when I started out.
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mary rosenblum
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These days, the minute the
story starts to bog down, I either bring in a subplot, if I'm working on a
novel, or I transition to a new and more exciting scene.
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mary rosenblum
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They are very effective and
one of the primary tools for adjusting your story's pace.
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anne shiever of ks
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In other words when you write
any story, the reader should be able to feel they are there and the visual
should be apparent, if not the reader will become lost and distracted
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, Anne, exactly. That sums
it up. Unless you are intentionally writing a narrative piece.
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mary rosenblum
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By putting your readers into
the head of the POV character, you let us step into the role and live that
story.
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gail
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In your opinion, which works
better. If the story happens on day 4 of a 6 day journey, and you want some
back story, is it best to root the reader in the present, then flashback.
Or, does it read better to start with the first days and transition our way
to the day of the story's "climax"?
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mary rosenblum
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You could do it both ways
effectively, gail. I personally perfer to work 'forward' whenever possible,
rather than use flashback, so I'd probably begin with a strong scene at the
start...
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mary rosenblum
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and then transition to my important
day. But flashback can be effective, too.
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anne shiever of ks
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Then you also have to make sure
it's not too wordy....give them some body but not overbearing
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mary rosenblum
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That's right, Anne. Keep
control issues in check! ;-) One of the strengths of good prose is that...
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mary rosenblum
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the reader gets to play, too.
We give our readers important clues and let them construct the rest of the
world for themselves..
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mary rosenblum
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which means our readers SHARE
our stories. They have a vested interest in them. Those are their worlds,
too, unlike a movie where it is all created for you.
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mary rosenblum
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Prose is interactive.
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anne shiever of ks
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Just as two people always see
things differently in report writing, etc...
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mary rosenblum
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And remember differently at
family reunions!
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mary rosenblum
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The main character I see in my
mind is not the main character you see when you read my story.
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mary rosenblum
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And that's fine, as long as
they are similar.
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mary rosenblum
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Don't be afraid to just skip
ahead if you can't make a stretch of time interesting.
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mary rosenblum
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If you're doing a biography,
and your character didn't do much for a few years, just say so and move on.
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mary rosenblum
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Same for memoir or nonfiction
narrative.
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anne shiever of ks
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where some may see tall dark and
handsomely bold, another reader may see tall dark and somewhat shy
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mary rosenblum
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Well, shy and bold are pretty
different characteristics. ;-) I think I'd want my readers to have a clear
sense of my POV's character...either shy, or bold, or in between.
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mary rosenblum
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But dark, tall, and handsome
covers a WIDE range of different interpretations. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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This was fun, and I'll
certainly come back to the topic again.
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mary rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript in
the usual place: Writing Craft: Forum Transcripts.
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mary rosenblum
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This Friday, we'll be doing a
'hands on' short story workshop.
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mary rosenblum
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We'll start with ideas from
the audience and create an entire short story in our After Hours forum,
including
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mary rosenblum
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setting, plot, and character.
We'll create one that can be written in 1000 words...
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mary rosenblum
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since that's the length a lot
of LR students are struggling with. :-)
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seabeewife
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Hero's or Heroines tend to be
too perfect
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mary rosenblum
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Ha. Not mine, seabee. :-)
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anne shiever of ks
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How does one ask your
professional opinion if they can not attend the forum???
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mary rosenblum
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You can always email questions
to me if you can't make the forum.
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mary rosenblum
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And they can be off-topic,
that's fine. Send them to maryrsn@comcast.net
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mary rosenblum
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Or you can reply to the Forum
announcements I send out. They come right to me.
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mary rosenblum
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Thanks for coming, all!
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mary rosenblum
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Do drop into our open chat
session...
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mary rosenblum
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right here tomorrow, same
time, same place.
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mary rosenblum
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No topic, we just talk
writing, weather, or what have you.
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mary rosenblum
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It's a great place to bring a
stuck story, too.
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mary rosenblum
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We have fixed quite a few as a
group effort!
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mary rosenblum
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See you all tomorrow, or
whenever. Have a great week!
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mary rosenblum
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Thanks for coming!
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