Forum Transcripts

Showing Emotion 3/7/06

Event start time:

Tue Mar 07 12:02:19 2006

Event end time:

Tue Mar 07 13:29:09 2006



Legend:
Questions from the Audience are presented in red.
Answers by the Speaker are in black.
The Moderator's comments are in blue.

mary rosenblum

Hello all!

mary rosenblum

I hope you had a great weekend, and welcome to our Tuesday Forum.

mary rosenblum

This is the Tuesday Forum with me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're talking about revealing your character's emotion without 'telling'. If you're new here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your regular send bar to reach me.

mary rosenblum

I wanted to talk a bit about character emotion today, since this is something that many novice writers either totally neglect...

mary rosenblum

or handle by intruding and telling us what their character is feeling...

mary rosenblum

or using WAY too much thought on their characters' part in order to reveal it. (I was guilty of that when I started out! )

mary rosenblum

Most people are fairly aware of the emotional state of the people they're interacting with...

mary rosenblum

and so is your average reader.

mary rosenblum

So when a character seems to have NO emotions, that person seems very unreal.

mary rosenblum

This is also the main reason a lot of novice writers switch POV in the middle of a scene...

mary rosenblum

because they feel that they really need to let the reader know what, Tom, say is feeling, even though Cary has been the POV character up...

mary rosenblum

until now.

t green

Unless your character's an android. Then you can do no emotion. lol!

mary rosenblum

True, t. :-) Or unless your character is emotionally crippled...

mary rosenblum

That LACK of emotion, when it is intentional, is a powerful clue about something in the character's past.

mary rosenblum

I've actually been using that very 'character card' in a novelette I'm currently working on...

mary rosenblum

to suggest a traumatic event in this particular character's past. :-)

mary rosenblum

BUT when you do that, you do need to give the reader enough of a clue so that they can guess the reason...

mary rosenblum

for the character's seeming lack of emotion.

mary rosenblum

You don't want your reader to think that this person is simply two dimensional. :-)

mary rosenblum

Remember...readers can either think you're writing badly or guess that this person is behaving weirdly...

mary rosenblum

so always plant a clue to nudge readers to make that second guess! NOT the first!

mary rosenblum

Even if you want the reader to guess another character's thoughts, you can nearly always...

mary rosenblum

get them to guess at least roughly what is going through his/her head via body language or dialogue..

mary rosenblum

without having to resort to suddenly switching POV for a paragraph or two.

mary rosenblum

This is the Tuesday Forum with me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're talking about revealing your character's emotion without 'telling'. If you're new here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your regular send bar to reach me.

mary rosenblum

Think about how you know that your co worker, spouse, friend, family member is mad, sad, worried, nervous, or not feeling well.

mary rosenblum

We give away emotional cues all the time.

mary rosenblum

And readers are aware of what is going on. If you use a beat of action in a scene that shows a character making an expressive gesture...

mary rosenblum

readers read that as a clue to his/her emotional response.

mary rosenblum

We have received a lifetime of training on how to read a story. :-)

mary rosenblum

That's why you'll do things well before you really understand WHAT you're doing. :-) You'll recognize it when you do it.

mary rosenblum

AND...the ultimate fall back, if you REALLY want to make sure the reader understands what's in that non-POV character's head...

mary rosenblum

is to simply let your POV guess.

mary rosenblum

"Aren't you Marly Conrad, from Branchwater High School?"

mary rosenblum

Marly looked up, found a tall, lanky man dressed like a cowboy staring at her.

mary rosenblum

"Uh, yes." She studied his shock of sunbleached hair, the faded blue eyes in his weathered face. "Bobby Sundry? Is that you?"

mary rosenblum

Okay, we have a meeting.

mary rosenblum

Let's say we want the reader to know that Bobby here is really attracted to Marly.

mary rosenblum

The simplest thing, of course, is to switch to Bobby's POV.

mary rosenblum

Gee, she sure is a looker, Bobby thought. I wonder if she ever knew I had a crush on her.

mary rosenblum

But that's really going to sap the strength of this scene.

mary rosenblum

It pulls us out of Marly's POV just when we've begun to become intimate with her...

mary rosenblum

and we don't know Bobby at all, so we're suddenly distanced from the whole thing. Weak scene.

mary rosenblum

But we can surely let Marly notice that look in his eye.

mary rosenblum

"Bobby Sundry, is that you?"

mary rosenblum

"Sure is." His grin widened. "I'm glad you remembered."

mary rosenblum

She looked away from his bright stare, felt her cheeks getting hot. "Wow, you sure got tall." She sneaked a glance back at him, suddenly shy in the face of those intense blue eyes.

mary rosenblum

She is clearly reacting to a look that is more than just 'gee you look familiar'.

mary rosenblum

And if you don't want your character to realize he's infatuated with her, you can make her decide she's guessing wrong.

mary rosenblum

Dreamer, she thought. He'd been the most popular boy in class and she was still dumpy. "Well, how nice to see you again." SHe glanced down at the pitcher of iced tea in her hands.

mary rosenblum

"I'd better get back to filling glasses. I got recruited to do the brunch for the reunion." And she hurried away before her cheeks could betray her again. Silly girl, she thought, as she sloshed tea and ice into tumblers.

mary rosenblum

So we know that she had a crush on Bobby, still does, thinks it's hopeless, and that he's interested in her...

mary rosenblum

even if she doesn't want to believe it. And I didn't have to intrude and tell the reader anything.

mary rosenblum

This is the Tuesday Forum with me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're talking about revealing your character's emotion without 'telling'. If you're new here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your regular send bar to reach me.

jyinxy

say your POV character is not in the scene you are writing - do you switch POV's to anotother characters POV?

mary rosenblum

Well, if you're doing first person POV you just don't have scenes without that character, since that POV is telling us the story.

mary rosenblum

In limited third, in a short story, it's really a good idea to stick to a single POV if your story depends on reader engagement with your character.

mary rosenblum

If your story is plot driven, say it's a come-uppance story where the strength of the story...

mary rosenblum

is the not very likeable main character getting his 'just desserts'...

mary rosenblum

or the strength is a twist end or other strong plot element...

mary rosenblum

then omniscient third is fine. That's where you simply switch POV whenever you need to.

mary rosenblum

In a longer work, you probably have more than one POV character in third person.

mary rosenblum

But if you're doing a short story that is character driven, I"d REALLY work hard to stick to your POV and avoid scenes where he/she is not present.

mary rosenblum

When I do have to do that, I tend to use cinematic third...I stay out of any POV and show the scene from outside.

raines

What if your character has telepathic powers and can read emotion?

mary rosenblum

Good question, raines! (I have done a number of empathic and telepathic characters).

mary rosenblum

If your POV is aware of emotions, he/she just is, and since we're in her POV, we'll share her awareness.

mary rosenblum

empathic implies someone who can read emotion, not necessarily actual thoughts.

mary rosenblum

"Well, I"ll see you tomorrow." Brad turned and strode off.

mary rosenblum

He was afraid. Verily stared after him. Fear trailed after him like smoke on the wind. Why? What was he afraid of?

mary rosenblum

Now here, I emphasized her ability in order to make it clear to the reader she was not just reading body language..

mary rosenblum

but was more sensitive to his emotional broadcast. Once readers realized my character was an empath...

mary rosenblum

I'd have left the 'fear trailed after him...' sentence out as unneeded.

mary rosenblum

At the start of a story, where I'm planting clues about my POV's unusual ability, I'd make it more clear that this is not just reading body language.

mary rosenblum

Telepathic implies the POV can overhear thoughts.

mary rosenblum

I don't like to have the POV constantly 'hearing quotes' because human thought tends to be more fragmented, full of images, and not all that cohernt.

mary rosenblum

This is what I'd do if Verily is a TP.

mary rosenblum

(Telepath).

mary rosenblum

"Well, Ii'll se eyou tomorrow." Brad turned and strode off.

mary rosenblum

He was thinking about Sandra. Verily cocked her head. And he was scared. Why?

mary rosenblum

If I use telepathic conversation in a short story, by the way, I underline it so that it shows up in italic on the printed page.

mary rosenblum

Let's say that Verily contacts her friend Rose by telepathy. (And I apologize for the html codes you all using java will see. U means underline)

mary rosenblum

He was thinking about Sandra. Rose? He just left here. Verily reached for Rose's listening mind.

mary rosenblum

This is the Tuesday Forum with me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're talking about revealing your character's emotion without 'telling'. If you're new here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your regular send bar to reach me.

geezer

With cinematic third, do you use a page break or can you just slip into it and out again?

mary rosenblum

I would use a skipped line and a star to indicate a skipped line to the editor, geezer.

mary rosenblum

You would be AMAZED how often readers will miss a POV transition in the middle of a scene..

mary rosenblum

even when you bend over backward to make it clear!

mary rosenblum

I used to slip those into stories when I first started publishing...

mary rosenblum

and got so much feedback from fans who missed transitions that I really toned that down.

mary rosenblum

Not all readers read carefully, alas.

mary rosenblum

This is the Tuesday Forum with me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're talking about revealing your character's emotion without 'telling'. If you're new here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your regular send bar to reach me.

mary rosenblum

Of course, a great way to show your characters' body langauge is to use action tags in your dialogue.

mary rosenblum

Action tags are beats of action immediately following the spoken line of dialogue.

mary rosenblum

They identify the speaker (instead of using 'she said'!) and you can reveal emotion conveniently.

mary rosenblum

"No, I won't tell you." Amy looked away and shivered.

janecj333

Can you explain cinematic third?

mary rosenblum

Cinematic third is actually very simple, jane. You become a camera...thus the 'cinematic' name.

mary rosenblum

You the author pick a vantage point and then you show the scene from that vantage point...

mary rosenblum

rather than from the perspective of any one character.

mary rosenblum

It's very useful for large sprawling scenes like battles where no one POV character will be able to see the entire thing.

mary rosenblum

By staying OUT of all POV you compromise your limited third much less than if you switch to another third person POV.

mary rosenblum

If I have to show my reader something that my limited third POV simply cannot see, I'll use cinematic...

mary rosenblum

because the reader is not engaged with a character, but merely sees action.

mephistopheles

so without saying he said she said or he thought/felt she felt we describe their body language to convey the image to the reader?

mary rosenblum

Exactly, mephis...

mary rosenblum

and that is a MUCH stronger way to do it, because that is exactly how you do it in real life.

mary rosenblum

You watch your friend's lips tighten as he tells you something...

mary rosenblum

and you guess that he's upset even if he won't admit it.

mary rosenblum

"I'm just fine." Roger's lips tightened. "Look, I've got to go."

mary rosenblum

We know Roger is speaking and we guess that he's upset.

mary rosenblum

Here's a different emotional tone:

mary rosenblum

"I'm just fine." Roger winked. "Gotta go. See you later."

mary rosenblum

And another:

mary rosenblum

"I'm just fine." Roger glanced over his shoulder, paled. "Look, I've gotta go. See you..."

janecj333

I've written a short where the pov character's mental capacity is so low that she has no meaningful thoughts. The 'cinematic' quality of the narrative, however, keeps the reader at arm's length, I think. I like that and don't like it, at the same time.

mary rosenblum

That sounds interesting, Jane, and quite a challenge, too. I suggest that you may be well off to use a secondary character in this person's life...

mary rosenblum

whose more normal comments and actions help us empathize with your low-ability POV. IN other words...

mary rosenblum

we will care about your POV because this secondary does.

mephistopheles

can we convey that much information about body language and expressions in a short short story of 750 to 1,000 words?

mary rosenblum

You'll actually use no more words to show us, meph, than if you tell us, and your story will have MUCH more impact.

mary rosenblum

Say, in your short short, you needed to let the reader know that Roger up there was scared.

mary rosenblum

"I"m fine." Roger looked over his shoulder, terrified that the zombie might be lurking in the shadows. "Look, I gotta go."

mary rosenblum

You've given the reader more specific information, but if your story is about Roger who is haunted by invisible zombies, we really don't need that...we'll guess what he's scared of.

mary rosenblum

And it took WAY more words than the 'show' version.

mary rosenblum

This is the Tuesday Forum with me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're talking about revealing your character's emotion without 'telling'. If you're new here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your regular send bar to reach me.

jyinxy

How should flash back scenes be handled?

mary rosenblum

You need to make a VERY clear transition from the 'now' of the story to the 'then' of your flashback, and then back to your 'now' again.

mary rosenblum

Remember that flashback is not just your character remembering a past event.

mary rosenblum

In a flashback, your character relives it, with no sense of the future.

mary rosenblum

So it's VERY easy to confuse the reader.

mary rosenblum

Set your 'where, who, when' very clearing in the first sentence of your flashback...and use a strong transition so that you give the reader...

mary rosenblum

some warning before they fall into the past! :-)

mary rosenblum

George leaned his chin on his hands, thinking back to that sunny summer day when Billy woke him at dawn...

mary rosenblum

And then you go on with ten year old Billy knocking on ten year old George's window and we relive the episode with George as a ten year old.

jyinxy

would using a "blinding flash" before her eyes work as a transition to and from the flashback scenes?

mary rosenblum

Well it could get you THERE, jyinxy. I'd chose a different transition to get us back.

mary rosenblum

In a blinding flash, she was back in her bedroom, her father shouting in the hall.

mary rosenblum

And the next sentence is her father's words, and then she is there, reliving the scene.

mary rosenblum

Make it clear that we're returning.

mary rosenblum

Ruby shook herself, banishing the familiar nightmare, focusing on the bright spring grass.

mary rosenblum

It's all over, she thought. All over. Why can't I forget it?

mary rosenblum

Believe me, when you think you're clear enough...make it clearer!

mary rosenblum

This is the Tuesday Forum with me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're talking about revealing your character's emotion without 'telling'. If you're new here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your regular send bar to reach me.

mary rosenblum

What takes some time to learn is that readers are really good at catching clues. Many of us want to give the reader too much information.

mary rosenblum

Spoon feeding is kind of boring.

mary rosenblum

If you give your reader a solid clue...such as Roger glancing over his shoulder...

mary rosenblum

turning pale, and practically stuttering as he says he has to go...

mary rosenblum

and if the reason he might be afraid is set up in the first part of the story...

mary rosenblum

you don't need to tell us he's afraid a zombie is behind him. We'll know it.

mary rosenblum

I usually remove a lot of this type of information as I revise my first draft...

mary rosenblum

when I read the scene in context, I find I've usually put in too much info.

mary rosenblum

Remember...the 'reality' of a story comes from how well you mimic reality.

mary rosenblum

How you do learn something?

mary rosenblum

Hopefully not from a voice whispering in your hear! :-)

mephistopheles

but when is too much a clutter for the reader to understand?

mary rosenblum

I'm not quite sure what you're asking, mephis.

mary rosenblum

It's really easy to confuse the reader with too many inconsequential details. :-)

mary rosenblum

And of course, you can go to the other extreme and give us NO clues about what is going on...

mary rosenblum

in which case the reader simply thinks these people are behaving unrealistically.

mary rosenblum

As with nearly every aspect of writing, you are learning to find the balance between too much and too little.

mary rosenblum

Again, I can't stress enough that reader input really really helps here.

mary rosenblum

Swapping work with another novice writer...or several....and paying attention to what you hear will really help you find that balance.

mephistopheles

I find it hard to show emotions, I can show action and tell action like a news reporter, but I want my stories to be more than just news reports.

mary rosenblum

And telling will keep your stories from coming to life for readers, mephis...

mary rosenblum

any more than the newspaper does.

mary rosenblum

Here's a great exercise for you.

mary rosenblum

Go to the local food court of your mall, the train station, a public park, a sidewalk cafe...

mary rosenblum

anywhere you can watch people.

mary rosenblum

(I give this exercise to workshop students at times. :-) )

mary rosenblum

Then...watch people.

mary rosenblum

Ask yourself...what is this person's emotional state?

mary rosenblum

Angry? Impatient?

mary rosenblum

Depressed?

mary rosenblum

Dreamy"

mary rosenblum

Contented?

mary rosenblum

Now write down the cues that made you guess it:

mary rosenblum

Dreamy...vague look on her face, slow amble, arms swinging loosely, lips in a half smile, not really paying attention to passers by.

mary rosenblum

Keep an 'emotion log'.

mary rosenblum

After awhile, when you want to show the reader a dreamy character or an angry one, the physical cues will come to you automatically.

mary rosenblum

I did this a LOT when I first started out.

mary rosenblum

In fact, three of us writers used to get together for lunch...

mary rosenblum

and we'd take turns 'reading' a person we could see and then had to make up a backstory for WHY.

mary rosenblum

It was a LOT of fun. :-)

geezer

Any prepackaged emotion logs you know of?

mary rosenblum

Nah. YOU need to notice geeze.

mary rosenblum

The more aware of people you become, the stronger your characters will become.

mary rosenblum

The more oblivious you are to the human reactions around you, the thinner and more cardboard your characters will tend to be.

mary rosenblum

Be a voyeur!

mary rosenblum

I LOVE to watch people and do it all the time.

mary rosenblum

Constantly. Everywhere. It is such a deeply engrained habit now I don't even think about it.

mary rosenblum

I constantly notice hints that suggest this person's personality, background, belief system, political views...

mary rosenblum

And when I need to show those things to readers, I have a lot of real details to draw on.

mary rosenblum

This is the Tuesday Forum with me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're talking about revealing your character's emotion without 'telling'. If you're new here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your regular send bar to reach me.

mary rosenblum

Observation is a critical part of the writing process.

mary rosenblum

Not just people..

mary rosenblum

when you see a beautiful or terrifying scene...an odd juxtaposition of items...

mary rosenblum

that has a strong effect on you, remember it. Write it down. Use it later in a story.

mary rosenblum

And...the more you get in the habit of observing, the more you'll find that you remember what you observe.

mary rosenblum

And the more of these observed bits you store for later use.

mary rosenblum

Now, I rarely write something down unless it's very striking and I really want to use it.

mary rosenblum

I'm a terrible voyeur. :-)

mary rosenblum

I LOVE people who don't draw the curtains at night, LOL.

mary rosenblum

Many of their living roms have ended up in scenes. LOL

mary rosenblum

At the start, I do suggest you start keeping that 'emotion log'.

mary rosenblum

And play the backstory game, where you make up a story about why this person is stomping along the sidewalk...

mary rosenblum

looking as if he wants to hit someone...or why she looks as if she just lost her last friend...

mary rosenblum

It is, of course, WAY more fun to do it with friends. But it's very useful to you.

mary rosenblum

Just as playing scales is an important part of becoming a piano virtuoso...

mary rosenblum

this sort of exercise is very important to becoming a strong writer.

mary rosenblum

It's not just 'sit down and write the Pulitzer winner'.

mary rosenblum

It's about strengthening your craft skills the way a pianist strengthens her playing.

mary rosenblum

And this kind of exercise is a GREAT way to pass the traffic jam, the time spent in the waiting room or checkout line.

mary rosenblum

While I'm waiting to check out my groceries, I"m noticing the checker, the others in line...

mary rosenblum

paying attention to what their faces and bodies betray as the talk to each other, unload their carts, or what have you.

lil.mac

I work retail. A good place to start right?

mary rosenblum

Ah, a gold mine, mac!

mary rosenblum

And when someone really catches your eye...seems to reveal a lot...

mary rosenblum

write down a brief description of that person on your next break.

mary rosenblum

I came up with a lot of secondary characters and physical descriptions for quite a few main characters from those kinds of notes.

mary rosenblum

I am NEVER bored at airports. :-)

mary rosenblum

Even if you can't touch a keyboard or even a pen, you can spend hours writing every day...

mary rosenblum

because this is part of writing.

mary rosenblum

When you're doing this, you ARE practicing your craft.

jyinxy

if anyone has ever seen a movie called delta of venus - its about 2 writers - they walk down the road and come up with a story for everyone they see....it helped me to start thinking like a writer. however the movie is very '

jyinxy

frisky" so view it at your own discretion

mary rosenblum

LOL on the frisky part, but yeah, that's what you do.

mary rosenblum

At this point I do it all the time. Constantly.

paminnapa

so the character at disneyland with the pink mohawk, painted in tattoos, wearing a jean quilt and flannel shirt with chains would be good:)

mary rosenblum

Oh, gorgeous, pam. I'd be tempted to come up with a story just to use him somehow! :-)

geezer

Way off topic. What does an editor look for in the first 3 chapters of a novel?

mary rosenblum

S'okay, geeze. Generally, if the editor has your three chapters, he/she has your synopsis, too.

mary rosenblum

The synopsis thells him whether you have a solid plot...

mary rosenblum

and the first three chapters tell her whether you have the ability to write that plot as a solid story...

mary rosenblum

they look for solid characterization, strong craft, that sort of thing.

mary rosenblum

It's a writing test. :-)

cosmos

If you send in your three chapters and a synopsis, is it okay to assume that you can work with the editor to refine the rest of the book. This is assuming that they like what they see. Or do you need a polished revision ready to send in after they want to see the rest of the book?

mary rosenblum

As an unpublished writer or even a published short story writer who has yet to produce a book length work, you will have to have the book completed...

mary rosenblum

before an editor will seriously consider it.

mary rosenblum

Many many many people start novels. Far fewer finish them.

mary rosenblum

It is a mistaken belief that a really cool idea sells a book.

mary rosenblum

Ideas alone don't have any value. An idea turned into a good story has value...and that's your job.

cosmos

I am talking about a finished novel but it needs to go through more revisions.

mary rosenblum

Make it as good as you possibly can before you submit it cosmos. The editor has about 100 other books and she's only going to pick ONE>

mary rosenblum

You don't want to limit your chances of being that one.

jyinxy

so i suppose when we send the snopsis we should let them know that it is a compeleted work?

mary rosenblum

Oh yes...and the publisher's guidelines will tell you what you can and should submit.

janecj333

To attract an editor a story can't be just characters doing things and feeling things and having conflict and resolution; a story has to have a reason for being, and an author who has something to say

mary rosenblum

I'd say so, Jane. :-) The whole should be greater than the sum of its parts.

mary rosenblum

Well, this has been a fun Oregon Hour. :-) Do join us tomorrow for our casual chat...

mary rosenblum

where we don't have any topic, we just get together to talk about whatever.

mary rosenblum

I'll post the transcripts of this Forum in the usual place: Writing Craft: Forum Transcripts.

mary rosenblum

Have a good day all!

 

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