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mary rosenblum
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Hello all.
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mary rosenblum
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Welcome to our Friday After
Hours Forum
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mary rosenblum
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I wanted to talk about pacing
tonight...it's a complex craft issue and one that may writing books sort of
gloss over...
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mary rosenblum
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because it is hard to teach.
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and tonight we're working with
pacing. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short stories and will
do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here, remember that
you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble' next
to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to ask a
question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask and
type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for you..
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mary rosenblum
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The main reason pacing is hard
to teach is that it involves so many different aspects of craft.
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mary rosenblum
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It involves tight writing to
begin with, then word choices, style...
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mary rosenblum
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the ratio of description to
action...
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mary rosenblum
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they all play a role.
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mary rosenblum
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And the effect is vary the
sense of drama, tension, and passage of time...
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mary rosenblum
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so that the story is not a
'monotone'...
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mary rosenblum
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but rather varies so that the
story seems to 'speed up' and 'slow down'...sort of like an amusement park
ride.
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mary rosenblum
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And one of the most common
novice problems is a tendency to use the same pacing throughout...which is
boring. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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And a slack, slow, weak pacing
really compromises a lot of novice fiction...
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mary rosenblum
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and nonfiction for that
matter! It's critically important in the world of nonfiction...
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mary rosenblum
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to maintain a brisk pace.
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mary rosenblum
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In personal narrative of
course, you follow the construction of fiction, but when you're writing
something like...
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mary rosenblum
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an informative piece, you'll
still find that the pace quickens and slows, although it remains brisk
overall.
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mary rosenblum
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Those variations in pace and
tension add reader interest.
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mary rosenblum
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I do have some examples that
people sent...most of which could use a bit of tightening pace, wise.
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mary rosenblum
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And this is definitely a topic
that is best 'shown' rather than lectured on. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Lizzy O'Dwyer's body went limp
and the chair stopped rocking. Papers slipped from her fingers to her lap,
and then feathered to the floor in front of the crackling fire. The cedar
wood burning in the stone-mantled fireplace, popped and snapped in the
silent night. A gentle evening breeze blew in through the only window,
stirring up a mixture of fresh and smoky air in the one-room cabin.
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mary rosenblum
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Earlier in the work week,
Lizzy had made up her mind to stay at her parents' cabin for the weekend by
herself. As an assistant editor at a popular Sci-fi fantasy magazine, she
led a busy work life, but her main reason for escape was that she needed a
break from her ubiquitous fiancé, Charlie, who, with his mother, hounded
her constantly to set the date for their wedding.
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mary rosenblum
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"Ahh, that's a great
idea, honey," Charlie said to her before she left. "Go to the
cabin. Take some time for yourself so you can, you know, get started on the
wedding arrangements."
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mary rosenblum
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She left him standing in the
driveway, him beaming and waving happily, her glaring as she sped away
white-knuckled.
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mary rosenblum
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She was not eager to plan the
wedding, nor was she even sure Charlie was the right man for her. She
caught herself having too many second thoughts about him lately. She needed
a weekend away from it all. Away from Charlie. Besides, she was looking
forward to spending endless hours reading from the ever-growing slush pile
of sci-fi fantasy stories.
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mary rosenblum
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This is from Jason, and he
tells me that this is the opening to a fantasy story and he feels it's
slow. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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There is no one reason pacing
is slow, and no one way to fix it.
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, this is a slow beginning
for a short story.
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mary rosenblum
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It begins with action, but
nothing particularly interesting...just Lizzy's body going limp and we'll
mostly assume she has fallen asleep, although a few readers may wonder if
she has died. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Then we go into a lengthy
section of backstory. That essentially halts the forward flow of the story
and sends us backward in time.
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mary rosenblum
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So here, the main problem with
the pace is a large, contextual one...the structure of the opening is slow.
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mary rosenblum
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You could easily streamline
this by simply beginning with the first action of the plot. I don't know
what that is in this case...
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mary rosenblum
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whether it's a ghostly
appearance, a flying saucer, or an intrusion by human or animal...
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mary rosenblum
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but I would begin here. Begin
with action and only the facts that we need to comprehend the scene. We
don't need to know NOW how and why she is in the cabin.
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mary rosenblum
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It's okay even to begin with
her nodding off as long as Something Happens in that first page.
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mary rosenblum
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This is a large scale pacing
issue as opposed to a problem at a prose level.
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mary rosenblum
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Let me see now if I can find a
passage with prose level pacing problems as a contrast. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Ha. Got one. Now in this next
couple of paragraphs, we have drama, but the prose is simply slowing things
down a bit:
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mary rosenblum
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The sheriff defended his
people from outside attack. He required
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mary rosenblum
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trenches to be dug all along
the town line. All men and boys over 14 had been required to bring shovels
and work steadily. The Moat, as the people proudly named the trench, was
finished two weeks after Mrs. Mulwerky's baby was shot.
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mary rosenblum
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Mr. Mulwerky was covered in
mud and old sweat as he left the Moat. His hands were calloused where there
had never been calluses. His body, stronger now than ever before, still
ached. In his "former" life, that is before The Moat, he
gardened, all Melivale people gardened, had to to eat; but Mr. Mulwerky was
a stenographer to the town. Normally he wore a shirt and tie and lived
indoors. Now his face was bronzed beyond tan. His arms bulged beneath the
cut-off sleeves of
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mary rosenblum
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what once had been his
third-best work shirt. The Moat was finished.
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mary rosenblum
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We have drama here...someone's
baby has been shot and a town gets together to dig the Moat.
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mary rosenblum
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But this simply doesn't move
as strongly as it could here, and a bit of tweaking can fix that.
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mary rosenblum
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Let's look at the beginning.
"The sheriff defended his people from outside attack.
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mary rosenblum
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Well, we're about to find that
out, right? It's not really showing the reader anything, it's telling us
what we're about to find out again.
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mary rosenblum
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The author ends up showing us
the same thing she just told us...so leave it out.
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mary rosenblum
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Every man and boy over 14 had
to dig trenches all along the town line. They worked around the clock with
and the Moat, as the people proudly named the trench, was finished two
weeks after Mrs. Mulwerky's baby was shot.
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mary rosenblum
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What have I removed?
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mary rosenblum
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I dropped the bit about the
Sheriff requiring it. I don't have the whole ms, but I will bet you readers
could guess who gave the order from previous context.
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mary rosenblum
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I dropped out the 'bring a
shovel and work steadily' phrase.
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mary rosenblum
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If they dig a trench big
enough to be called a Moat, they ARE going to work steadily, readers will
get it. And what ELSE will they dig it with? :-)
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mary rosenblum
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But these are details! I can
hear the protests. :-) And aren't details good?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes. But not unimportant
details...they simply make you take longer to read and process the
important information...
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mary rosenblum
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and these details don't add
anything we won't figure out on our own...in other words, they repeat.
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mary rosenblum
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They simply say out loud
something we will figure out for ourselves...so they slow down the scene.
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mary rosenblum
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The important details, the
ones that make that scene work are: trench, everybody digs it, two weeks,
the Moat.
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mary rosenblum
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Let's look at Mr.
Mulwerky...here we do have some very good visual details.
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mary rosenblum
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Here the prose tweaks to improve
the pacing are very minute...it's a matter of using stronger, more vigorous
style.
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mary rosenblum
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Let me put that paragraph in
again so you all don't have to scroll up so far.
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mary rosenblum
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Mr. Mulwerky was covered in
mud and old sweat as he left the Moat. His hands were calloused where there
had never been calluses. His body, stronger now than ever before, still
ached. In his "former" life, that is before The Moat, he
gardened, all Melivale people gardened, had to to eat; but Mr. Mulwerky was
a stenographer to the town. Normally he wore a shirt and tie and lived
indoors. Now his face was bronzed beyond tan. His arms bulged beneath the
cut-off sleeves of what once had been his third-best work shirt. The Moat
was finished.
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mary rosenblum
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Let's see if we can't make
this read with a bit more energy and drive.
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mary rosenblum
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Mr. Mulwerky scrubbed mud and
sweat from his face as he left the Moat. He stuffed his handkerchief back
into his pocket and stared at his hands. They had callouses where he had
never had callouses before. His body ached, in spite of his new muscles.
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mary rosenblum
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In this former life -- before
the Moat -- he had gardened, like everybody in Melivale. You had to, to
eat, but he had spent the days indoors in a suit and tie, as a
stenographer.
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mary rosenblum
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He smiled, thinking of his
tanned face, his arms bulging from the cut-off sleeves of what had been his
third-best work shirt. But the Moat was done. Finished.
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mary rosenblum
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I didn't change much here, I
simply reduced the narrative distance so that it sounds more as if Mr. M is
thinking about his garden and his muscles.
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mary rosenblum
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I added a bit more
action...his smile...to remind readers that he's doing the thinking here,
the author isn't telling us this.
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mary rosenblum
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I left out the 'bronzed
and'...since he's thinking this and will probably only think 'I'm tan'.
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mary rosenblum
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Same thing with the sentence
about his body aching. He's thinking something along the lines of..."I
ache. and I have more muscles than I did'...
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mary rosenblum
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so I simplified it to suggest
his thoughts.
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mary rosenblum
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This isn't a particularly
dramatic scene at all, but by maximizing the pacing here, you keep readers
moving forward strongly and their minds are less likely to wander, they are
less likely to put the story aside.
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and tonight we're working with
pacing. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short stories and will
do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here, remember that
you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble' next
to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to ask a
question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask and
type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for you..
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mary rosenblum
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Okay, here's an example in
first person with a lot of dialogue.
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mary rosenblum
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"Hello, Ms. Savage,"
he said, as he stood in the open door of the diner.
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mary rosenblum
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Four of his cronies followed
him in. The few customers I had that morning
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mary rosenblum
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scattered. Cowards. I
swallowed. I had never seen him before, but I knew it was him. Stone looked
more like a bounty hunter than a knight. He was tall, and his greasy black
hair was neatly combed back from his forehead. A thin scabbard protruded
from beneath his long coat. He had the deadest eyes I had ever seen.
Corpses have more life in their eyes.
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mary rosenblum
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"Sorry, we're all
full," I said. "Go somewhere else."
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mary rosenblum
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"Clever lass, aren't
you?" Stone caressed his stubbled face. "I understand my boys
have been, shall we say, less than welcome here. How can we remedy
that?"
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mary rosenblum
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Here we have our first person
POV tavern owner and our scary Stone.
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mary rosenblum
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And her narrative is nice and
it's fun, and it really doesn't need a lot of tweaking here.
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mary rosenblum
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But this is doing something I
see a lot of fantasy ms from novice writers...
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mary rosenblum
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which is that the speakers do
a lot of description...very cool description...in situations where the
speaker wouldn't really do that. So the effect...
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mary rosenblum
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is that we know the speaker
isn't in danger and the sense of tension sags.
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mary rosenblum
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Fantasy, because of the
tradition...at least in classical sword and sorcery fantasy...of rich
language...
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mary rosenblum
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tempts authors to do that, and
there are certainly many published examples of it. Doesn't mean you have to
do it, too. :-) You can still have rich language and keep the sense of
tension much tighter.
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mary rosenblum
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Look at this scene. We have a
tavern owner who looks up to see serious trouble walk through the door.
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mary rosenblum
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I would simply trim this a bit
to give more of a sense of her attention being riveted on the newcomer. The
writing is good and the scene is certainly as good as many out there...but
it could be stronger. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Let me put it in again so we
don't have to scroll:
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mary rosenblum
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"Hello, Ms. Savage,"
he said, as he stood in the open door of the diner.
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mary rosenblum
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Four of his cronies followed
him in. The few customers I had that morning scattered. Cowards. I
swallowed. I had never seen him before, but I knew it was him. Stone looked
more like a bounty hunter than a knight. He was tall, and his greasy black
hair was neatly combed back from his forehead. A thin scabbard protruded
from beneath his long coat. He had the deadest eyes I had ever seen.
Corpses have more life in their eyes.
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mary rosenblum
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Okay, it's a diner, not a
tavern...:-)
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mary rosenblum
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We'll assume the writer shows
the door opening:
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mary rosenblum
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"Hello, Ms. Savage."
A stranger stood in the open door.
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mary rosenblum
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Four of his cronies stalked in
after him and my few customers scattered. Cowards. Stone. I swallowed. Had
to be him. He looked more like a bounty hunter than a knight, tall, with
greasy black hair combed back from his forehead. I glanced at the thin
scabbard...
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mary rosenblum
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protruding from beneath his
long coat, but his eyes were what scared me. Corpses have more life in
their eyes.
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mary rosenblum
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I didn't change much...here,
the tweaks are even smaller than in our last example.
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mary rosenblum
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I simply took out a few
superfluous words... she is under stress.
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mary rosenblum
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She doesn't care or notice if
his hair is neat.
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mary rosenblum
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She identifies the details
that make him Stone. I took out the 'I had never seen him before' because
that 'had to be him' tells us she has never seen him...
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mary rosenblum
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and it's her thought...short
and stressed.
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mary rosenblum
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So here, all I really did was
to remove any word that didn't absolutely have to be there...
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mary rosenblum
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Now this is the most dramatic
scene we've looked at, and by reducing details in our POV's thoughts...
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mary rosenblum
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I am trying to reproduce that
'zooming in' effect that stress produces...
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mary rosenblum
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when you focus on the very
immediate threat and notice nothing else.
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mary rosenblum
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Which is why I removed any
word that wouldn't instantly pop into her head: Stone...sword...ugly
eyes...TROUBLE.
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and tonight we're working with
pacing. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short stories and will
do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here, remember
that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble'
next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to ask a
question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask and
type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for you..
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mary rosenblum
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Whew...talk about thinking on
your feet! I downloaded these from email about five minutes before this
forum!
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mary rosenblum
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Now...I absolutely FORBID you
all to even think about this during your first draft, okay?
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mary rosenblum
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You'll drive yourselves into
writers block in a page.
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mary rosenblum
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Even I don't worry about it in
draft one and I'm much more conscious of a lot of craft issues than a
novice...
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mary rosenblum
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but this type of pacing
refinement is something to save for probably your third draft...
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mary rosenblum
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unless you don't need to make
many big changes in your second draft.
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mary rosenblum
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If you're making content
changes, save the pacing tweaks for another pass.
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mary rosenblum
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It's like using a microscope
on your work...you can't see the big things with a microscope and if you're
looking at big things, you can't see the microscopic problems.
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mary rosenblum
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Worry about getting the story
down in draft one.
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mary rosenblum
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Worry about fixing the story
and characters in draft two.
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mary rosenblum
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Worry about language and
pacing in draft three. Or even later.
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mary rosenblum
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Okay, here's a good example...
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mary rosenblum
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Gramma, tell us a story,"
the small child begged me.
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mary rosenblum
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"OK, lil-one. But not
now. You gather your friends, and I will tell you a story at Fireside
tonight. Now I must make pita, or we will go hungry." I gave my
firstborn's youngun, Rama, a smile and returned to my daily task of making
the dough that served as a wraparound for the squirrel that her daddy would
bring home from the hunt.
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mary rosenblum
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There was such an abundance of
squirrel this year, and the big game hadn't made it back sufficiently yet,
so hope for some venison or moose was out of the question. The Long War had
really destroyed much of the animal kingdom or at least rendered many close
to extinction.
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mary rosenblum
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This is a very narrative
piece. Our POV, Gramma, is not only going to tell her grandchild a story,
she is also telling US a story...the story of her people.
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mary rosenblum
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I have another paragraph very
much like these.
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mary rosenblum
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Now depending on what your
intention is, there is nothing wrong with doing it this way.
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mary rosenblum
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Ursula LeGuin's 'Always Coming
Home' which won several awards as I recall...
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mary rosenblum
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was written in just this type
of 'storytelling' narrative voice.
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mary rosenblum
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It was meant to be exactly
that...an old woman telling the story of her life.
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mary rosenblum
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The pacing is languid and it's
very diffucult to achieve a lot of tension in this type of narrative
because, of course, the POV survived. :-) Although...
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mary rosenblum
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you can make readers worry
about the fate of characters you and they come to care about.
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mary rosenblum
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Here, pacing issues would be
more content driven...
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mary rosenblum
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if our narrator meanders along
and doesn't keep the reader looking forward to the next hing to happen, the
story will falter and stall.
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mary rosenblum
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So here, it becomes a matter
of finding details that illustrate the story you wish to tell without
boring the reader with unneeded details.
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mary rosenblum
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As you can see...there is no
one way to fix pacing.
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mary rosenblum
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Which is why it is so hard to
teach
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mary rosenblum
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What fixes it in one case, is
not the problem in another.
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mary rosenblum
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It is probably the most
difficult aspect of craft to really master.
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mary rosenblum
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When you read something that
moves along strongly so that you look up, realized you've been reading for
an hour and it seems like five minutes...
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mary rosenblum
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go back and take a look at
what you hae just read.
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mary rosenblum
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Go grab a couple of pages
you've written recently and lay them down by that book.
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mary rosenblum
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See if you can tell how that
really strongly paced prose differs from yours.
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mary rosenblum
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You'll learn a lot that way.
:-) We have many prose habits that we like...they sound good to us...but
they can really bog down pacing. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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What suits your ear may not
suit the story or article you are writing. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Well, we've almost run out of
our Oregon Hour, so if you have any questions about this...now is the time.
:-)
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whistlin_smithy
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Mary, do you view flashback as a
hindrance to a rapid pace? Or can it work to maintain a quickening pace?
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mary rosenblum
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Good question, smithy. No,
flashback is never (a rare absolute) going to quicken the pace...it WILL
send your reader backward...which is why..
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mary rosenblum
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you really need to use it when
it matters, but not for convenience's sake.
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mary rosenblum
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It may be worth the loss of
forward momentum to do that flashback...
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mary rosenblum
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but if you are merely doing it
because it's too much work to figure out how to work in that back
story...don't.
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paja
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Do we always want to keep the
tight wording? What instances would we lengthen the pacing?
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mary rosenblum
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Well, not all the time, paja!
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mary rosenblum
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You can have a monotone that
is breakneck! And the reader wears out and gets desensitized by the taut
pace.
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mary rosenblum
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While you want the tightest
pace that the scene can handle, that 'tight' pace will be stronger in some
scenes and slacker in others...
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mary rosenblum
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you just don't want it to be
slacker than it needs to be.
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info
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is there any normal set of times
to go through your draft? I mean is three or four times to make sure you
gotten every thing or is it more like over six times?
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mary rosenblum
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I generally do three passes,
info. I have writer friends who do ten.
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mary rosenblum
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Whatever works for you.
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mary rosenblum
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And I have a friend who does
ONE pass....but it takes her 18 months to do it!
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mary rosenblum
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She's the exception!
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paja
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In drafts: is this the general
flow?
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mary rosenblum
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What's that, paja? Not sure I
understand you.
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paja
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Whoops. 1. get all content down
2 arrange content flow 3 check phrasing pace?
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mary rosenblum
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I'd say that's pretty common.
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mary rosenblum
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The problem with trying to do
too much at once, is that you are looking at differen't levels of the
story.
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mary rosenblum
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You begin by looking at
structure...does the plot work, do the subplots tie in.
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mary rosenblum
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Then you look at characters
closely and ignore the plot..okay the plot works, does this character
behave appropriately in this scene?
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mary rosenblum
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It's easy to miss plot issues
if you're focused on characters...
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mary rosenblum
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Then you get down to
language...do these words work, is this the strongest verb, do I have extra
words, did I repeat myself?
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mary rosenblum
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It's easy to miss both
character and plot issues while you have your nose pressed to the page, so
to speak.
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glider
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Does outlining affect how you
can set the pace of the story?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure glider.
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mary rosenblum
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At least in terms of content
issues...by roughing out the peaks and valleys of your plot line, you avoid
a huge slump in the middle where nothing happens for example.
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mary rosenblum
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Because I rough out my plot
thoroughly before I start draft one, I rarely have to worry about plot
issues.
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mary rosenblum
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My draft two is a character
pass.
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mary rosenblum
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Draft three is language.
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mary rosenblum
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When I started, I often needed
four passes...plot, character then language after the first draft.
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mary rosenblum
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Mostly it's a matter of
learning what does NOT need to be in the story...
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mary rosenblum
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and that simply takes
practice, practice, practice.
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whistlin_smithy
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Mary, do you think figures of
speech, hyperbole, metaphor, etc., would slow down pace? Or trash it
altogether?
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mary rosenblum
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Oh not at all, smithy. They
can actually tighten the pacing by adding a lot of subtext and nuance
without adding words.
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mary rosenblum
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If I describe a kid as a young
lion, I don't have to add a lot of words about his personality, do I?
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mary rosenblum
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-)
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mary rosenblum
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You can sure overdo 'em, but
they're very useful.
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mary rosenblum
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Actually, that's why you want
to use 'loaded words' whenever possible.
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mary rosenblum
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It's not a house, it's a shack
or a mansion or a flea hotel or what have you.
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mary rosenblum
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Look how much description you
have saved...you can spend those words on the details to make it unique.
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speck
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I'm reading a book now in which
the author equates metaphors, adverbs, etc as tools. He says we have to
know when and where to use them most effectively. Being a mechanic once, I
really liked his comparasion.
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mary rosenblum
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Sure. All aspects of craft are
tools and learning to use the right one in the right situation is what
craft is all about. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Good analogy.
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mary rosenblum
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Well, this has been a fun
Oregon Hour, and thanks for the samples, folks!
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mary rosenblum
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I'll see you all Sunday for
our casual chat!
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mary rosenblum
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Same time and place, only on
Sunday.
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speck
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Have a nice weekend:--)
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mary rosenblum
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I will thank you, and you all,
too!
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mary rosenblum
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See you Sunday!
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mary rosenblum
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I'll post this in Writing
Craft: Forum Transcripts.
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mary rosenblum
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Have a great weekend!
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