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mary rosenblum
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Hello all!
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mary rosenblum
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Welcome to our Tuesday Forum.
I hope you all had a fine weekend. Enjoying summer?
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
talking about action tags and tone of voice in dialogue. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the
word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use
the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar
won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your
regular send bar to reach me.
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mary rosenblum
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I thought I'd talk about
action tags and dialogue today, because nearly everybody has trouble with
dialogue when they first start writing.
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mary rosenblum
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And using what I call 'action
tags' can make a huge difference.
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mary rosenblum
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Dialogue is more tricky than
it might seem, but as you begin to understand what you're trying to
achieve...
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mary rosenblum
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you'll find that the very same
exchange that seemed 'flat' now reads like a real conversation.
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mary rosenblum
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It's not usually what the
characters say that is the problem, but rather how you put the dialogue
together.
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mary rosenblum
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And you will end up with a
conversation where the reader even hears the correct tone of voice without
any added 'he said angrily', 'she said sadly'.
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mary rosenblum
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Although sometimes you'll
still use those adverbial tags just because it works in terms of rhythm and
flow.
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mary rosenblum
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Remember...nothing is either
always or never in writing!
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mary rosenblum
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The issue with things like
'said' 'was' and the like, is that you do them intentionally...
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mary rosenblum
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when they are needed, rather
than through habit, when they are the wrong choice.
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mary rosenblum
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Action tags are very useful
things.
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mary rosenblum
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I bet every one of you had a
teacher somewhere who handed out a list of 'alternative' words to said.
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mary rosenblum
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You know..'announced',
'replied', 'responded', etc.
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mary rosenblum
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If you still have it PLEASE
throw it away!
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mary rosenblum
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Said is an invisible word.
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mary rosenblum
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It simply links the spoken
line of dialog to the speaker so that we know who is talking and hear the
right voice.
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mary rosenblum
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The problem is that when you
use it constantly, it begins to sound like a bell tolling... dong dong dong
dong...
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mary rosenblum
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and the reader notices it.
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mary rosenblum
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But ALL the other 'said words'
are very noticeable and they draw attention to themselves.
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mary rosenblum
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"I think I'll probably
audition after all," Becky said, reads very differently from
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mary rosenblum
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"I think I"ll
probably audition after all," Becky announced.
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mary rosenblum
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Now if she IS making an
announcement, that's fine.
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mary rosenblum
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But if it's a case of 'any
word but said', it's not the best choice. Readers notice that non-said
word.
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mary rosenblum
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However, you can skip both
very easily.
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mary rosenblum
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"I think I'll probably
audition after all." Becky shrugged. "Why not? I paid my entry
fee already."
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mary rosenblum
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Nobody will be confused about
who is speaking here. Becky is.
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mary rosenblum
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We have no 'said' ,
'announced' or any other said word.
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mary rosenblum
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None is needed.
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mary rosenblum
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We also have a sense of
Becky's state of mind. Her shrug makes this feel a bit off-hand, a sort of
'oh well' tone.
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mary rosenblum
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So that's the tone we'll hear.
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mary rosenblum
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Let's change her tone of
voice.
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mary rosenblum
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"I think I'll audition
after all." Beckly clenched her fists and glared at Peter. "I
paid my entry fee after all."
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mary rosenblum
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Oops...shouldn't have that
second 'after all' in there... But you get the gist.
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mary rosenblum
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She's not making a casual off
hand comment now, the tone is not 'oh well'...
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mary rosenblum
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And readers will hear a
different tone.
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mary rosenblum
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That allows you to skip the
'Becky said casually' or 'Becky said angrily'
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mary rosenblum
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Both of those tell the reader
what to hear.
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mary rosenblum
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By showing Becky's body
language as she speaks, the readers can figure out for themselves what the
tone of voice is and they'll hear it.
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mary rosenblum
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Remember...if you allow your
readers to figure things out for themselves, it's going to seem more real.
Nobody tells us what is going on in real life...
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mary rosenblum
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except for those people who do
hear voices. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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The rest of us are on our
own....no voice-over whispering Becky is angry.
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mary rosenblum
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We know our friends' emotional
states because we hear their tone of voice and it's coupled with body
language...
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mary rosenblum
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that says 'happy', 'sad',
'worried', 'angry'.
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mary rosenblum
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Since we can't actually use
tone of voice on the printed page, as you can in a play or movie, we use
the body language...
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mary rosenblum
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and readers will take that cue
and hear the correct tone.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
talking about action tags and tone of voice in dialogue. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the
word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use
the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar
won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your
regular send bar to reach me.
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andi
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Zeus was happy with this family
but the Hollis's were his real family. is the plural for Hollis's right?
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mary rosenblum
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No, that's the possesive form,
andi.
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mary rosenblum
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No apostrophe for plural.
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mary rosenblum
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Zeus was happy with this
family, but the Hollis family was his real family, after all.
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whip
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How do you punctuate a quote
within a quote?
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mary rosenblum
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I was looking that up in
Strunk and White, whip. I can't find a reference, but I avoid doing that
because it confuses the reader bigtime.
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mary rosenblum
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You can have your speaker
repeat the quote so that you don't need quotation marks at all.
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mary rosenblum
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"I can't stand the
girl," Marliss said. "You know what she told me? Drop dead! I
mean, come on, what kind of manners was she born with?"
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mary rosenblum
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Marliss is repeating the
girl's words; Drop dead, but no quotes are needed within the sentence,
since MARLISS is saying them.
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mary rosenblum
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You should be able to make it
clear to the reader what is being repeated.
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gail
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People often emphasize certain
words to project doubt, sarcasm, or foolishness. Is it appropriate to use
italics for this? And, how often can this be used without the dialogue
sounding stilted or cartoonish?
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mary rosenblum
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I do that, too, but beware of
doing it too often. I often have italic wars with Gardner Dozois, a
frequent editor of my short fiction...
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mary rosenblum
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because he LOVES to italicize
emphasized words. And it does sound cartoonish at times, (so I deleat all
the italic he adds, and then he usually sticks half of it back in! At least
I got half of it out!).
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mary rosenblum
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Generally, if you are
'showing' us the scene clearly, you won't need to indicate the
emphasized...
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mary rosenblum
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words because they should be
obvious.
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aelle
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Don't you used italics for
thoughts of your characters?
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mary rosenblum
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No. I don't. And I DO fight
with some editors over that. If they're going to italicize direct thought,
I simply won't use direct thought except very occasionally.
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mary rosenblum
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Italic always 'sounds
different' to a reader and stands out like a shout.
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mary rosenblum
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That's one reason I advise
against using direct thought and paraphrasing it instead. It saves you from
house rules about italicizing direct thought.
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cosmos
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It's my understanding that you
show a quote in a quote by using the apostrophe on each side of the inner
quote.
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mary rosenblum
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That's what I remember,
cosmos, and that's what I do on the rare occasions I have to use it, but I
am not sure if that ...
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mary rosenblum
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is correct or if I have just
been getting away with it because a sloppy copy editor missed it.
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whip
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Please comment on , Marliss said
vs. ,said Marliss
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mary rosenblum
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Always put the 'said' after
the identifier if you can. AND, put the tag line (if you're using a 'said
tag') after the spoken line if possible.
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mary rosenblum
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The reason is this:
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mary rosenblum
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You are trying to create an
onging action scene in your reader's head so that the reader...
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mary rosenblum
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begins to live the scene with
your character. That's why you don't want to remind the reader that they
are reading a book. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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When we read a line of
dialogue and the first word after that line is 'Marliss', then we think
'Marliss said this' and essentially skip over the 'said'.
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mary rosenblum
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When the 'said' comes first,
we still don't know who said the line, we have to read the said and then
the Marliss.
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mary rosenblum
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So we can't skip that said.
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mary rosenblum
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So the said is much more
visible and intrusive.
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mary rosenblum
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When the tag comes first:
Marliss said, "I have to go to school now'....it is VERY intrusive.
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mary rosenblum
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We have to pay attention to
'Marliss said' before we hear the line. We can't ignore it. So it really
stands out.
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mary rosenblum
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"I have to go to
school," Marliss said. Most readers will skip over that 'said'.
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gail
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If a character is about to
launch into extended dialogue, would you recommend inserting the expository
tag before the dialogue, to establish the correct "voice" from
the onset?
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mary rosenblum
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Ooops..I sort of just answered
this.
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mary rosenblum
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BUT...just use an action tag,
gail.
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mary rosenblum
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That isn't the problem the
expository tag is.
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mary rosenblum
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Roger crossed his arms and
drew himself up. "I have no intention of doing anything of the
sort."
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mary rosenblum
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We know Roger is speaking and
we know what his tone has to be.
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cosmos
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In ESSENTIALS OF ENGLISH, it
says on page 135 that "single quotation marks are used to indicate a
quotation within a quotation. The example given was "I've just read
Shelley's 'Ode to the West Wind,' " she said. I am surprised when I
see this because I thought the single quotation mark would go before the
comma. So this is news to me.
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mary rosenblum
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Thanks, Cosmos. Nice to know
I've been keeping the copy editors happy on this one. And the comma
placement surprises me, too.
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mary rosenblum
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But then comma placements
often surprise me. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
talking about action tags and tone of voice in dialogue. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the
word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use
the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar
won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your
regular send bar to reach me.
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beryl
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I've found another good reason
to deleat 'she said.' When I use descriptive words, "Julie's back
stiffened and her eyes blazed," that seems to be when my character
starts telling me how the story goes.
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mary rosenblum
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And you are revealing
characterization with this type of action tag, beryl.
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mary rosenblum
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This is one of the primary
uses of action tags.
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mary rosenblum
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Not only does it reveal the
tone of voice, it offers insights into the character's feelings about what
is going on...
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mary rosenblum
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without requiring you to
either tell us what the character is feeling or have that character think
about his/her reaction.
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libertybell
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and breaks up the "talking
heads" syndrome
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mary rosenblum
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And that is another major use
of the action tag.
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mary rosenblum
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One of the things we're trying
to accomplish in dialogue scenes is to create the effect in real life...
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mary rosenblum
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of seeing at the same time
we're hearing .
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mary rosenblum
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When we listen to someone
speak, we see the background and we see that person.
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mary rosenblum
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And all too often in novice
stories, we get long scenes of dialogue with no visual input...
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mary rosenblum
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and the effect is that we have
closed our eyes.
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mary rosenblum
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The action tags allow you to
add beats of visuals, so that you create that effect of seeing the scene at
the same time you hear the conversation.
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mary rosenblum
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"I think I'll go visit
Mattie this weekend."
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mary rosenblum
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"Why?" Brent leaned
against the edge of the counter. "Hasn't she made you miserable
enough?"
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mary rosenblum
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"That wasn't her
fault." Karen busied herself with pancake mix and spoons, carefully
not looking at him. "Besides, she said she was sorry. Why can't you
forgive and forget?"
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mary rosenblum
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"Why do you have
to?"
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mary rosenblum
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We're going to get a sense of
Karen and Brent's emotional states here, as well as see a couple of
kitchen...
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mary rosenblum
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details that allow us to fill
in a scene visually.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
talking about action tags and tone of voice in dialogue. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the
word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use
the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar
won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your
regular send bar to reach me.
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janecj333
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the comma placement could be a
typo :)
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mary rosenblum
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It could be, Jane. Seems wrong
to me. But then, commas often seem illogical to me!
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mary rosenblum
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Actually, anyone who is
writing seriously should own a copy of Strunk and White's 'Elements of
Style' or 'Essentials of English' published by Barrons.
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whip
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Is using an adverb once in a
while OK? Sort of like a beat?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, whip.
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mary rosenblum
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As I said before, 'always' and
'never' rarely ever apply to writing.
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mary rosenblum
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It's fine to use the 'to be'
verbs when they are the best choice, it's fine to use 'said' when it's the
best choice...
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mary rosenblum
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it's fine to use an adverb....
'she said quickly' ...when that is the best choice.
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mary rosenblum
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What happens is that novice
writers often use them all the time out of habit when other words ARE
better choices.
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libertybell
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examples of "to be"
when acceptable? When not acceptable?
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mary rosenblum
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It's a matter of conveying
what you need to convey in the most efficient and powerful manner, liberty.
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mary rosenblum
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Perhaps I am writing a scene
with strong, rising action. I might reach the climax where a character who
the POV has thought was a male soldier all along, is revealed to be a girl
in disguise.
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mary rosenblum
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I might use the sentence
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mary rosenblum
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He was a girl.
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mary rosenblum
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That might be the dramatic
peak of the scene, as our POV opens a door unexpectedly to find this 'man'
without a shirt.
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mary rosenblum
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And I want a stark, spare
sentence that is going to pack a punch.
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mary rosenblum
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I could avoid that was but it
would require a longer sentence that would reduce the impact.
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mary rosenblum
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So 'was' is the best choice.
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mary rosenblum
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But most of the time it is
not.
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mary rosenblum
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The old house was at the end
of the street. The old house sagged at the end of the street.
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janecj333
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My Chicago Manual of Style
offers... As Franklin advised, "Plough deep while sluggards
sleep." (period inside quotes).
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mary rosenblum
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But that's for the end of a
sentence, Jane.
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mary rosenblum
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Sometimes, the punctuation
goes inside, sometimes it goes outside.
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mary rosenblum
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If you're in doubt, look up
examples in a style handbook.
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libertybell
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So past tense "to be"
is the real issue?
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mary rosenblum
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No. I just used that, but the
problem with 'to be' verbs is that they are empty words.
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mary rosenblum
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Strong prose is using the
fewest possible words to create the richest scene in your readers heads.
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mary rosenblum
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Every 'empty' word that does
not convey a visual image weakens your prose.
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mary rosenblum
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Some you are stuck with -- a,
an, the, and the like.
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mary rosenblum
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But many you can avoid.
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mary rosenblum
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Replace those empty verbs with
an active verb that conveys more information to the reader.
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mary rosenblum
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If you can make every sentence
do two or three things, you have powerful prose.
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mary rosenblum
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The more words you have to use
to accomplish what you wish to accomplish, the weaker your prose is, as a
rule of thumb.
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mary rosenblum
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Powerful prose is a balance,
always, between too much and too little, but you want to...
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mary rosenblum
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get rid of the 'too much' that
doesn't contribute to the piece and keep what DOES contribute.
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libertybell
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is that called "tight"
writing?
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mary rosenblum
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Yep. :-) And it is a subtle
reality that makes a HUGE difference when a reader or editor reads your
story, liberty.
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mary rosenblum
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Think of a landscape. You're
looking out at a beautiful valley on a clear fall day. Now think of that
valley on a foggy morning.
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mary rosenblum
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The unnecessary words are like
the fog.
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mary rosenblum
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You can still see the valley,
but the clarity is lost and so is much of the beauty you saw on the clear
day.
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mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
talking about action tags and tone of voice in dialogue. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the
word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use
the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar
won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your
regular send bar to reach me.
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mary rosenblum
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That's why action tags are so
useful.
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mary rosenblum
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They allow you to layer in
character emotion and visuals without adding whole sentences of
description, narrative exposition, or character thoughts.
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mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
talking about action tags and tone of voice in dialogue. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the Ask a Question button or the
word bubble next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use
the ask a question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar
won't reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question in your
regular send bar to reach me.
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mary rosenblum
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One caveat here.
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mary rosenblum
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I see this all the time when
students first start to experiment with action tags.
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mary rosenblum
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Beware of 'inadvertant action
tags'.
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mary rosenblum
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"I think it's a mistake
to talk to her." Jeanne threw herself down on the sofa.
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mary rosenblum
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Who said this? Jeanne, right?
BUT...what if this is the actual conversation:
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mary rosenblum
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"I think it's a mistake
to talk to her."
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mary rosenblum
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Jeanne threw herself down on
the sofa. "Then just stay home."
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mary rosenblum
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Now who said what?
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mary rosenblum
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Jeanne said 'Then just stay
home' and somebody else said 'I think it's a mistake to talk to her."
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mary rosenblum
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But if you put Jeanne's action
on the same line as 'I think it's a mistake to talk to her," 100% of
your readers will hear Jeanne say those words.
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mary rosenblum
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If character A says something,
and then Character B acts, indent and put Character B's action on the next
line down.
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mary rosenblum
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That shows the reader
Character B was not speaking.
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libertybell
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Thank you--I always get so much
from these sessions!
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mary rosenblum
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Glad it helps, liberty. :-)
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speckledorf
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I like the " Her eyes fell
to the floor." tags. Makes you want to watch where you step:--)
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mary rosenblum
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Oh yeah....DO watch for that.
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mary rosenblum
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You don't want readers
giggling in what is supposed to be a powerful scene!
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mary rosenblum
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She dropped her eyes.
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mary rosenblum
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Poor girl, I hope she could
find them again!
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mary rosenblum
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Also avoid the actions where
you essetially disconnect part of your character's anatomy and give it
autonomous life.
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mary rosenblum
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That's another giggle for a
lot of readers.
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mary rosenblum
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His hand reached for the lamp.
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mary rosenblum
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And what was the rest of him
doing????
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mary rosenblum
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Even when it's not humorous,
it's kind of affected and tends to stand out, making the reader very aware
of the words and distracting him/her from the scene.
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mary rosenblum
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Writing covers a wide spectrum
in fiction, from 'style-driven' at one end to 'story-driven' at the other.
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mary rosenblum
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In literary and experimental
fiction, at the 'style' end of the spectrum, the words themselves are part
of the power of the work rather than...
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mary rosenblum
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the story, as in character
interation, plot etc.
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mary rosenblum
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And there, your word choices
and style matter a LOT.
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mary rosenblum
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At the other end of the
spectrum, you have fiction that moves the reader through the reality of the
character and that character's conficts and actions.
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mary rosenblum
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And there, you will tend to
find more power when the words are not noticed by the reader, when they are
essentially invisible...
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mary rosenblum
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so that the reader shares the
actions of the POV character as if he/she is living the story, too.
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mary rosenblum
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What often happens at the
novice level is that you get an awkward mix of the two...
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mary rosenblum
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as the writer uses turns of
phrase and prose mannerisms that stand out and can seem affected in a
story...
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mary rosenblum
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that is really story-driven.
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mary rosenblum
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It takes practice and learning
to control your language....think of it as an artist choosing...
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mary rosenblum
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a particular brush or tool in
order to create the effect he/she desires.
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mary rosenblum
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That's mostly what you're
learning as you write and write and write...how to use words to more
effectively do what you mean your story to do.
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mary rosenblum
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You don't realize how much
craft affects the impact of your story when you first start
writing...nobody does. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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The more you learn about it,
the more you see the difference between a powerfullly written story and a
poorly written story...even when both ideas are good.
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mary rosenblum
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Good craft will not turn a
poor story idea into a powerful one, but poor craft can turn a powerful
story idea into a poor story.
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libertybell
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is there a premise for mixing
the two style (literary-internal/genre-external???) where they don't step
on each other and you lose the reader?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, but it's much harder to
pull off than you might think. A lovely example of that...
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mary rosenblum
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is the Last Unicorn by Peter
Beagle. (NOT the movie, the book!).
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mary rosenblum
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Peter LOVES language and the
language of Unicorn is lyrical and lush and yet suits the story nicely.
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mary rosenblum
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It's very narrative and boy
does it work!
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mary rosenblum
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But there, the plot is
negligible.
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mary rosenblum
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It's the characterization and
the style that really give the book its power.
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beryl
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Someone told me that they always
read Stephen King's books and enjoy the stories but compared to other
writers, they don't think he writes well. My brain swelled taking that
thought in.
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mary rosenblum
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Never confuse popularity with
quality, beryl.
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mary rosenblum
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Stephen King taps into some
very universal fears that make his horror sell very very well..
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mary rosenblum
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It would be nice if quality
alone sold books, but alas that it not the case. Using the bestseller list
as a standard of quality is not going to help you much.
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mary rosenblum
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I read widely and
eclectically, always looking for people who do things really well. :-) I
don't think I"ve read ...
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mary rosenblum
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a book from the best seller
list since the first HP books. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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In fiction, at least.
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mary rosenblum
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So anyway, to sum up...try
using those action tags.
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mary rosenblum
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They give you a lot more
flexibility with your dialogue, by allowing you to...
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mary rosenblum
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add in a lot more 'layers' for
the reader without adding words.
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mary rosenblum
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You'll deepen characterization
a lot if we get a sense of the characters' reaction to comments by other
characters...
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mary rosenblum
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and even if we're not in a
character's POV, his flinch, or her grimace will give us information...
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mary rosenblum
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about what he or she is
thinking.
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mary rosenblum
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So if you're tempted to switch
POV so that you can let us know what a non POV character is thinking...
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mary rosenblum
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see if you can't drop a clue
about his/her thoughts through the body langauge.
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mary rosenblum
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Readers are sharp. A small
clue tells us a lot.
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mary rosenblum
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Dialogue can be one of your
most powerful tools as a writer, and action tags will certainly help you
make the most use of it.
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mary rosenblum
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Wel, this has been a fun
Oregon hour. Any last questions before we wind up here?
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libertybell
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sometime could you show us about
using another language and then explaining it in English?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, bell. How about next
Tuesday? I'll talk about using dialect and foreign languages in fiction?
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mary rosenblum
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I'm always happy to get
suggestions for the Forums.
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libertybell
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Thanks. Look forward to it.
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mary rosenblum
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Great. I'll put it on the
calendar. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Well, thanks for coming all!
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mary rosenblum
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Do drop by tomorrow for our
casual chat...same time as this, but we just get together to hang out and
talk about whatever.
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mary rosenblum
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It's a lot of fun.
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geezer
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How about plotting?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, geeze. Can you make the
Friday forums? I could do that this Friday.
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geezer
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Great!
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mary rosenblum
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Will do. !
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mary rosenblum
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See you all tomorrow.
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mary rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript in
the usual place: Writing Craft: Forum Transcripts.
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mary rosenblum
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Have a good week, all.
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mary rosenblum
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See you tomorrow!
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