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Mary Rosenblum
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Hello all.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Welcome to our Tuesday
Lunchbox Forum.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I wanted to talk about
language today. Usually I talk about content and craft issues such as
characterization, pacing, plotting and the like.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But let's zoom in on the words
we actually use, whether we're creating a nonfiction informative piece, a
personal narrative, or a fiction story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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One of the most common
weaknesses I see in novice writing is cluttered prose.
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geezer
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I can't do metaphores. No poetry
in my soul!
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Mary Rosenblum
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You probably use more
metaphors than you realize, geeze, and poetry is not a necessary
requirement for all writing, believe me!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Quite often that 'poetic'
language interferes significantly with what the author is attempting to do.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Language needs to suit the
form.
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Mary Rosenblum
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A lyrical narrative about the
author's take on life and butterflies, a how-to piece about building a
garden walkway, a mystery story, and a literary story about a man's
encounter with a talking statue are all going to use very different types
of language.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you are limited to one
voice, one type of language, then you will tend to be successful in the
form that suits your langauge best.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ideally, your language should
be flexible so that you can write to suit your form.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Let me define 'clutter' first.
I see a lot of it, when I suspect the writer is trying for a 'literary
voice'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Clutter is simply a labored
way of saying something simple.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can find some LOVELY
examples from the airlines.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Let's take that little oxygen
bag that drops down out of the ceiling on a flight.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"In the unlikely
possibility that the aircraft should experience such an eventuality, the
bag will release from its compartment...'
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Mary Rosenblum
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So that's a lot of words to
process.
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Mary Rosenblum
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What is the goal here?
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Mary Rosenblum
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To inform nervous and
inattentive passengers that if the plane loses pressure the oxygen mask
will drop down in front of them.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here's the simple and
straightforward version:
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Mary Rosenblum
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If the plane loses oxygen
pressure, the mask will drop down in front of your face.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I suggest that the clutter
here is used to 'bury' the frightening thought that something could go
wrong.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Or maybe the person writing
the script got paid by the word?
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Mary Rosenblum
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As did Dickens, think about
that next time you read Tale of Two Cities... :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you want GREAT examples of
clutter, listen to the next speech given by a politician. Sheesh.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Clutter is also the insertion
of clusters of words that really don't mean anything.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It is interesting to note
that.... It may be perceived that.... She sensed that... He felt that....
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Mary Rosenblum
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Just state that 'note'. State
the perception. If she senses something, simply tell us what it is. What
DOES he feel?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Every 'empty' word you use --
one that does not convey clear information, visual, sensory input -- blurs
the impact of your prose.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If the scene is of central
importance (think a mystery, romance, adventure story), then you don't want
to blur that scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If the information is of
central importance (news story, how to article, informational article) then
you don't want to blur that information.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now you DO have literary
writing and like poetry, the words -- the literary style -- is of central
importance.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But don't confuse clutter with
literary style.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Your language should serve the
piece as a whole.
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janecj333
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So, what is the difference
between voice that's not artificial, and clutter?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Effectiveness.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your piece could be more
effective with simpler, clearer language, then your language is too
cluttered.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If some of the magic of the
scene is lost if the language is simplified, then the language is
appropriate.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Peter Beagle's story 'The Last
Unicorn' is actually a pretty simple fantasy plot.
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Mary Rosenblum
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His language -- which is
literary and elegant -- makes that piece the powerful work of fiction it
is.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Told in a very spare language
it would have been a so-so young adult fantasy maybe.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's part of the enduring
power of Tolkien's work.
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Mary Rosenblum
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His language is rich,
luxurious, and the plot is hardly what carries this novel throughout three
full books.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Written in spare, clean prose,
it would lose a lot of power.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But...that in NO way means
that adding a lot of words to your mystery or fantasy or what have you will
make it BETTER.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Far from it.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Peter Beagle wrote other works
of fantasy and his prose was much less elegant and literary because that langauge
did NOT suit those stories.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ask yourself what your goal
is.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Is it to bring the reader into
a scene of romance, adventure, or thrill?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Your langauge needs to take a
back seat to clarity of scene. (Spare langauge).
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Mary Rosenblum
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Is your goal to entertain your
readers with your MC's elaborate metaphors? Language will need to be more
complex, richer.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Is your goal to scare the
pants off your readers? Spare.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Is your goal to create a rich
and intersting other universe? You can probably use much richer language.
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onepozy
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Don't publishers encourage
clutter, they picture a novel as say 70000 words yet a writer can tell the
story in say 60000
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Mary Rosenblum
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Only if you're a poor writer.
Editors are very aware of pace. By 'cluttering prose' with those extra
10,000 words you're going to soften the tension and pace of the story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That may well work against
you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If an editors want a longer
book -- and I've had that happen to me! -- they want another subplot or
more scenes. NOT cluttered langauge.
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janecj333
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One person's rich and elegant is
another person's froufrou. How do we not put off readers as Tolkien puts
some of us off?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Nobody is going to be able to
please every reader on the planet.
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Mary Rosenblum
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All you can do is decide whom
you are writing for and what you want that story to do, and then make it as
strong as you can.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That is and is not the same as
writing 'for yourself'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It IS deciding what you want
to write and whom you want to write for. That may not be a huge slice of
the population
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Mary Rosenblum
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and if it's a small enough
slice, don't expect major publishers to want to publish your book.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But you're still trying to
make that story accessible and powerful to those people.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Writing 'for yourself' in
terms of writing it just the way that makes sense to you leaves out most
other people. :-) You know the story well enough that the book works for
you
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Mary Rosenblum
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but it's not likely to work
nearly that well for people who are not you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's what writing craft is
all about.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's making what you see and
understand so clearly equally clear to people who can't read your mind.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's why it's so hard to see
why your story or narrative isn't as good as some published classic when
you start out.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You don't realize how much
craft went in to making that classic work for you the way a story you make
up (knowing everything about everything) works for you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Language is a big part of
that.
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Mary Rosenblum
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When you're done with the next
thing you write, go through it sentence by sentence saying to yourself 'is
there a clearer way to say that?'
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Mary Rosenblum
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If there is, do it. Usually
that gets rid of a LOT of words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Then go through it again and wherever
it reads rough or choppy, smooth it out. Sure, you can add back some words
if you need to.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But you'll still end up, I bet
you, having lost a lot of words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ask yourself what those words
are donig.
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Mary Rosenblum
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She smiled happily.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's redundant, yes?
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Mary Rosenblum
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She smiled or she grinned or
she beamed is just fine.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ken hurried back into the
living room. When he looked around he realized that Jack had left the room.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ken hurried back into the
living room. Jack had left.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Obviously he had looked
around. Obviously he realizes that Jack has left. Where could he leave
from? He's in the room right?
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Mary Rosenblum
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If the scene has been taking
place in the living room and Ken went to the bathroom, you can simplifiy it
even more.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ken hurried back. Jack had
left.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If this is a dramatic high point, you
could use the two short, choppy sentences. Ken hurried back. Jack had left.
That adds 'punch'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If it's not a dramatic high
note, smooth it out.
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Mary Rosenblum
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When Ken returned, Jack had
left.
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kish100
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does more money/more word count
influence clutter?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Only to high school students
and novice writers. :-) Editors are editors becuase they are experts with
words (good editors that is). They know clutter when they see it and they
won't pay for it.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is VERY VERY critical in
nonfiction where editors break out into hives (and rejection slips) if you
include extra words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I HATE the usual rule in
school to require word counts. I became an expert at turning a 400 word
essay into a five page paper. Boy did I have some unlearning to do!
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janecj333
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Micromanaging every scene
usually feels like clutter to me, when a simple 'cut' to the next important
event would serve better.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It depends Jane. Writing is
micromanaging. I mean you can do the 'chimps with typewriter' thing and
keep cranking out story after story, essay after essay. Some will be good,
most won't.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And your cut to the next scene
may leave out something that will really work for the reader.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Or you might well be better
off cutting that scene!
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Mary Rosenblum
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That simply depends on the
story.
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janecj333
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But then other scenes feel like
you have to say more, that the deeper meanings have yet to be made clear.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sure The flip side of clutter
is writing that is simply too skeletal.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's not as common, but it
happens.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Writing is a balancing act
always, walking a fence between too much and too little.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You fall off a lot on both
sides.
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Mary Rosenblum
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BUT;....the type of clutter I
used as an example above is not something you're likely to NEED in a scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Those are just 'weedy words'
that don't add anything.
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Mary Rosenblum
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THat is very different than
adding content to the scene to enrich the plot or deepen characterization.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I had a wonderful editor for
my first novel who was an absolute surgeon with words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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She took out LOTS of words
from my scenes and if I read the scene without comparing it to the original
I could not tell what she had removed.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Needless to say, I got a crash
course in clean writing and clutter! :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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Never once did she change
content or effect, tone, or nuance.
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Mary Rosenblum
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She just removed clutter.
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Mary Rosenblum
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An excellent exercise is choose
something that you wrote some time ago. Now sit down and go over it
sentence by sentence.
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Mary Rosenblum
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At every sentence ask yourself
'can I say this in a simpler way'? If so, change it.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Then read it over and fix the
places where you feel it needs more, or the sentences are choppy, or what
have you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Then compare the two. See how
many words total you've removed.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It might not be a lot or it
might be a ton.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ken Rand's 10% solution is all
about removing clutter.
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Mary Rosenblum
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He offers some specific
methods, using your 'find' feature on your computer.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I've had some students who
have removed more like 20% with that book and have gone instantly from
not-publishable to publishable.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Even if you're writing
something in literary style, say a personal narrative, you still need to
watch that clutter.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Because that language is going
to be more complex, more heavily weighted with literary devices, clutter
can really obscure the effect.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now, let me introduce one
caveat here.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Dialogue is its own thing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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People talk like they talk.
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Mary Rosenblum
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They use bad grammar. They use
cluttered and convoluted speech.
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Mary Rosenblum
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All rules are off where
dialogue is concerned!
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geezer
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An example of a literary device?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Like metaphor or simile, onomatopoeia
(I spelled it wrong, I know, don't throw rocks!)
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Mary Rosenblum
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For some GREAT examples of
literary done badly (on purpose) read the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest
results That's the 'Dark and Stormy Night' contest for who can overwrite
the most.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It was a dark and stormy
night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it
was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is
in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely
agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the
darkness."
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is the famous quote from
Bulwer-Lytton.
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Mary Rosenblum
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NICE example of clutter here. Literary clutter.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You should go check out their
website. I LOVE it.
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Mary Rosenblum
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http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/
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Mary Rosenblum
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And don't laugh too hard. I
have received novice manuscripts that while not quite so purple in the
prose, weren't too far off !
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geezer
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So, at last! Literary means
using flowery language?
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Mary Rosenblum
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No, no no!
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Mary Rosenblum
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It means that the style of the
language is important to the story, creates a significant part of the
impact
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Mary Rosenblum
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The plot and characters are
not paramount.
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rae
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What is onomatopoeia?
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Mary Rosenblum
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words that suggest the sound
the represent. Buzz. Sizzle. Hiss.
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destiny8
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Clutter pops out at me after I
set ms aside for a few days.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yeah, me, too, destiny.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Distance is a really useful
tool. The more distance the better. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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I find that working on a new
piece clears the piece I just finished out of my brain.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So when I go back to it, I see
all the zits clearly. :-)
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janecj333
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And characters don't talk in
neatly-punctuated and complete sentences.
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Mary Rosenblum
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They sure don't, Jane.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But that's all part of
character voice -- another pretty common novice weakness and the subject of
another forum. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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Try simplifying something you
have written. See how much you can simplify each sentence, then smooth out
any bumps and see if you don't end up with something shorter and stronger.
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cajunbelle
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and good thing because cajuns
surely don't say " onomatopoea
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Mary Rosenblum
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LOL, belle, not unless their
teaching at the university, eh?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Reducing clutter will go a
LONG way toward getting you published, especially in the nonfiction
marketplace.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It does more than you realize
to blur and obscure your story or narrative.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Give it a try and see if
you're not pleased with the result of reducing that clutter.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript in
the usual place:
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Mary Rosenblum
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Writing Craft: Forum
Transcripts.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Have a fun Halloween tomorrow!
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'm off to the World Fantasy
Conference Thursday, in Saratoga, NY.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Have a great weekend!
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