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Mary Rosenblum
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Hello all!
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Mary Rosenblum
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I hope spring is springing
wherever you are.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And I hope those of you who
live in the non-daylight savings states have gotten your time straightened
out!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Me, I'd be happy if we had one
single time year in, year out. Oh well.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I wanted to talk about dialogue
and action tags today because dialogue is probably the most universally
weak skill with new writers.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And nearly all the problems I
see in dialogue and in dialogue scenes
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Mary Rosenblum
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can be resolved with action
tags.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The problems I see most often
are 'ping pong' dialogue where every line ends with he said, she said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Adn then there's the 'literary
version' where it's he stated, she postulated, he announced
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Mary Rosenblum
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which is even worse than he
said, she said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Problem number two is the
talking heads scene where all visuals vanish and we have two disembodied
heads jabbering away in a vacuum.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's like closing your eyes and
listening to cell phone conversation!
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Mary Rosenblum
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You really do not need a tag
line after every line of dialogue.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now if you have four people
speaking, yes, you're going to use a lot of tags or we won't have a clue.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But if two people are talking
and that's all, you can use two or three lines of dialogue with no tag at
all...
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Mary Rosenblum
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as long as it's clear who is talking.
And the context of the conversation may make it clear enough that you can
go four or five lines without a tag
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Mary Rosenblum
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but the general rule is three
lines is safe, any longer without a tag and you risk making your reader
count back to see who is speaker.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now there's a GREAT way to bump
your reader right out of the story! Not good.
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Mary Rosenblum
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An action tag is simply a
glimpse of the speaker.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Readers will assume that this
person just said this line.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I don't know, you tell
me." Carolyn shrugged.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here, your readers will assume
that Carolyn just said 'you tell me'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And here, her action tag not
only identifies her as the speaker, it also shows us her emotional state.
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Mary Rosenblum
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She's expressing indifference.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I don't know, you tell
me." Carolyn clenched her fists.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Different tone of voice now,
yes?
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Mary Rosenblum
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So your action tag will allow
the reader to hear the correct tone of voice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So you don't have to use things
like 'she said indifferently' or 'she said angrily'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you slip in a glimpse of
action rather than body langauge, we're going to see the scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I don't know, you tell
me." Carolyn stubbed out her cigarette in the ash tray.
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geezer
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If the action tag went first,
would that better show the emotion and improve the flow?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Not necessarily.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You really do NOT want to put a
'said tag' ahead of the spoken line.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That is VERY stilted.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Carolyn said, "I don't
know, you tell me."
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Mary Rosenblum
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You CAN put the action tag
first.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Carolyn clenched her fists.
"I don't know, you tell me."
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Mary Rosenblum
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But readers integrate those
sentences so quickly that it works either way.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I tend to vary my action tag
position according to the rhythm and flow of the sentences.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sometimes the action comes
first, sometimes it comes after.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor I've published eight novels, more
than 60 short stories, and will do my best to answer any questions you
have. Tonight we're talking about action tags and dialogue. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the
'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in
order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can
use /ask and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better
for you..
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can combine character
emotion quite easily with setting visuals, too.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I don't know, you tell
me." Carolyn stabbed her cigarette out on Aunt Mim's antique table.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Clearly Carolyn is really
really ticked off right now! And/or mad at Aunt Mim.
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redwagon
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so far you used 'clenched,
stubbed, said, shrugged'...but are action tags usually past tense?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well most of the time, fiction
is in past tense unless you're doing literary mainstream.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's the tense that readers
notice least.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you're writing your story in
present tense, then of course all your action tags would be in present
tense.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Those action tags are simply
descriptions of action the same as the rest of your scenes.
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Mary Rosenblum
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They're all the same tense,
whichever tense you're using.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And they are especially
important in first person, where 'said tags' sound really clunky.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'm heading for the gym and
Serena catches me in the hall.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Hey." She gives me
this siren look. "You comin' to the dance tonight?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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And I kind of mumble something
about homework and duck past her. Close one.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here's the 'said' version.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I'm heading for the gym
and Serena catches me in the hall."
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Hey," she says as
she gives me this siren look. "You coming to the dance tonight?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor I've published eight novels, more
than 60 short stories, and will do my best to answer any questions you
have. Tonight we're talking about action tags and dialogue. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the
'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in
order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can
use /ask and type your question into the regular send bar if that works
better for you..
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redwagon
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Is it overload to add adverbs to
the action tag? --unless within reason.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Usually you won't need to red.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Most of the time you can use a
strong enough verb that you don't need an adverb to boost it.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Where people run into trouble
is when they use a lot of adverbs with said.... said quickly, said loudly,
said angrily.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Generally you're better off to
show us the character's body language and let us hear angry or loud or
whatever.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But I do want to talk a bit
about paragraphing and inadvertant action tags. I see a lot of those.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Take the line: "Take the
trash out will you?" Jane tossed her sweater onto the chair. "I'm
late to a meeting." Sandy grabbed her coat.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Who says what?
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Mary Rosenblum
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There's no real way to tell.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Either of these two characters
could say either or both lines.
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Mary Rosenblum
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In dialogue, whenever the
speaker changes, you begin a new paragraph.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But if Jane speaks and Sandy acts, you need
to start a new paragraph with Sandy's action or we'll assume that action means Sandy spoke.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Jane is going to say 'take the
trash out, and Sandy will say 'I"m late to a meeting':
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Take the trash out, will
you?" Jane tossed her sweater onto the chair.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I'm late to a
meeting." Sandy grabbed her coat.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now I'll let Jane do all the
talking:
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Take the trash out, will
you?" Jane tossed her sweater onto the chair. "I'm late to a
meeting."
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sandy grabbed her coat.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Because Sandy's action is on a
new line, it tells us she did not say 'I"m late to a meeting."
Jane did.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now I'll let Sandy do ALL the
talking:
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Take the trash out will
you?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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Jane tossed her sweater onto a
chair.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I'm late to a
meeting." Sandy grabbed her coat.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Because Jane's action is on a
new line, we realize that someone else is demanding that trash takeout.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And Sandy clearly says
'I'm late to a meeting' (We'll assume she did the trash demand, too.)
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andi
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I would say jane said it that
was my first thought
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Mary Rosenblum
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When you see that on the page,
about 99% or your readers will realize Jane didn't say it, because her
action is a new paragraph.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The the main rule is: New
speaker = New paragraph and New actor = New paragraph
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Mary Rosenblum
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Most people start out using
said tags predominantly.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But as your writing improves
and you start using more action tags, then you may start running into
paragraphing issues.
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crazybasenji
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Do you sometimes start a new
paragraph with the same speaker?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sure, if your character is
running at the mouth. :-) If Aunt Mia goes on and on and on without letting
anyone speak as she fixes dinner
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Mary Rosenblum
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you might need more than one
paragraph.
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redwagon
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What about paragraph changes
when the speaker speaks to multiple people in the same breath. Like my
busy-body character...
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well as long as the same person
is speaking, red, you don't need to start a new paragraph.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Just show the speaker's actions
during that paragraph.
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charie'
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Can you start a new paragraph if
the speaker changes the subject?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sure.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The paragraphing is mostly to
keep the reader from being confused.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If my speaker goes on to say a
second paragraph, I do try to make sure that my readers don't think someone
else is talking.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I often simply use the
character's name as a tag for the first line.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Lets go get some
dinner." Karen grabbed her coat.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If that was the first line of
Karen's second paragraph, it instantly tells the reader Karen is still
speaking.
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charie'
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So the tag would help indicate
the same speaker is continuing in the new paragraph.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Exactly.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Any time you think you might
accidentally mislead your reader, just use a tag line with that character's
name.
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dim writer
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What about internalazation? New
paragraph?
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Mary Rosenblum
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YOu mean internal narrative,
dim?
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Mary Rosenblum
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No reason to start a new
paragraph if the POV has been speaking.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Yeah, Mom, I'll be happy
to help out with the family reunion." Like she didn't have a sixty
hour a week job already. Karen plastered a smile on her face.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here we have dialogue, a bit of
internal narrative and an action tag.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And between the internal
narrative and that plastered smile we have no doubt about her tone of voice
and her feelings about her mother's request.
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redwagon
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So is the action tag ALWAYS a
sentence in itself?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yes, it is, red.
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Mary Rosenblum
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A comma is only used if you are
using a saidism...said or another word that essentially means said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I don't know," she
said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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An action tag is always a
complete sentence and the dialogue line ends with a period, question mark,
or exclamation point
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Mary Rosenblum
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not a comma.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Good question, red. I almost
forgot to bring that up.
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builder guy
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I do not use the "he
said", "she said" tags at all anymore. Can you still throw
one or two "he said"/ "she said's" in the story if the
dialogue is long?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Oh sure.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's not that they're evil!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sometimes the neatest and
simplest way to do a line is to end it with 'he said'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But do that because it suits
the scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Where most novices run into
trouble is that they use 'said tags' all the time and they're just empty
words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you're using visuals in your
scene, they can replace the said tags and if you're not using visuals, you
need to be!
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Mary Rosenblum
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I see a LOT of talking heads
scenes, believe me.
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charie'
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"You always let her go
first," she griped.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"It's still a said tag,
you're just using another version of said here. We don't see anything.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"You always let her go
first." Ingrid pouted.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now we have something to look
at -- Ingrid pouting.
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charie'
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You could use any implied
synonym for said in that example and show nothing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Exactly. Which is why the
action tags are so much more valuable than that list of 'alternate words'
that your high school English teacher
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Mary Rosenblum
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probably handed out so that you
could all stop using said so often. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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They're not a better solution.
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redwagon
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It seems I use a lot of action
tags. Is there a limit? It seems to be a great way to show a character
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Mary Rosenblum
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It is a great way to show
character, red. :-) You have too many when they slow down the dialogue.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'll give you an example of too
much action tag.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I don't know."
Michael wandered over to the buffet and studied the breakfast spread.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"What do you mean you
don't know?" Sally picked up a plate and headed for the juice bar
where she filled a glass with cranberry juice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I just don't know."
Michael heaped fried potatoes onto his plate.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I hope you're all snickering
about now. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is like slowing down a
tape. They seem to speak veeeerrrrryyy slllooowwwllly.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Their conversation would go
'beat' 'beat' 'beat' but the excessive action has put huge pauses in
between.
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robastor
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I wish I could go back and tell
my teachers using all those words weren't a better idea. LOL
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yeah, me too. :-) It's amazing
what you end up 'undoing' later on.
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builder guy
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Oh I agree with the action tags.
My question was about long dialogue. I don't want to put an action word on
every response.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Exactly builder. Otherwise
you'll get something that's about as ridiculous as the example I just gave.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The story has to flow.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Said is fine.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Just use plenty of action tags,
and insert said where needed.
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charie'
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Sounds like a british public
television broadcast. Sloooow.
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Mary Rosenblum
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LOL charie'
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Mary Rosenblum
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Remember nothing is forbidden
in writing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Some of the stuff, like these
action tags, work much of the time, but not always.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But most people don't use them
at all.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'm not telling you NEVER to
use said again! :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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But do use said consciously as
a choice becuase that's what the scene needs.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Don't just do it because that's
all you know how to do.
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charie'
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Aren't these tags serving double
duty? As alternatives to "said" and to keep the visuals going?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Triple duty, charie. They
identify the speaker, show us the scene, deepen the characterization.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Valuable little critters they
are.
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ashton
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I'm still smiling at the above
example. I know someone who talks like that...slllloooowww. It's all I can
do to be around them without wanting to bolt into another room to escape. lol.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yes, I can think of one or two
like that. They would have made good Ents.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Action tags will add more to
your prose than just about any single technique.
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Mary Rosenblum
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They'll really improve your
dialogue.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And no said needed. I see a lot
of "I don't know," John said as he pulled off his boots.
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Mary Rosenblum
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What a lot of 'empty' words
here!
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I don't know." John
pulled off his boots.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well, this has been a fun Forum
and I hope it helps you all write stronger dialogue. :-)
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robastor
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If a character is like that,
slow and evasive, it could be used as a dramatic effect, couldn't it?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sure. Just as you can use
passive voice on purpose to create a sense of weakness or time passage.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Just don't do it automatically.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'll post the transcripts in
the usual place:
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Mary Rosenblum
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Writing Craft: Forum
Transcripts.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Do join us on Sunday for our
open chat.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a lot of fun. I look
forward to it all week.
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charie'
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Leaving you with a last visual.
An Ent on valium. : - )
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Mary Rosenblum
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Oh, lordy. You could nap
between words!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Night all! See you on Sunday!
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charie'
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Rip Van Winkle could nap between
words.
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