Pam tells us she is  a married mother of 4 trying to establish herself as a  professional writer.  She says she began taking writing seriously in August 05, when she joined Long Ridge.              

 

                                     When Writing Affects Your Family?  

By Pam Lindenau

 

        "What goes on in the family, stays in the family,” was one of mother's favorite sayings, while growing up.  Yet as writers, we are told to "write what you know" or "write from your heart."  This has been a major stumbling block in my writing path.   Just how much of life am I willing to expose, and who will it embarrass?   If we don't write from our hearts, we are leaving out a portion of who we really are?                                                                                           

     This is a major hurdle in my writing ability.   Recently I wrote an article about how I met my father in law at a nudist camp, and Mom wondered why I'd want other people to know.  It's part of me – of my life.  Yes, perhaps an embarrassing part, but it made for a good laugh to some.  Imagine seeing a bunch of naked people running around playing volleyball on sun roasted asphalt, wearing nothing but tennis shoes.  It might make the next innocent victim think twice about opening those iron gates.                         

     If you write fiction, one day or another you will use some characteristics of someone you know.  Maybe it’s your neighbor who drives his convertible wearing swim goggles, or the frail lady down the street waddling out to get her morning paper in curlers and tattered robe.  This is where I find some of my best characters.                                                                                                                                                                 

     My little sister has the ‘you only live once’ attitude that lets her lead a very colorful life. Her stories about dating could make a sailor blush. I contemplate making her a main character in a fiction novel.  She has many qualities I admire; friendship, compassion for others, even her taste in music.  She read a character sketch that I wrote using her as a model and didn't find it amusing.  I wrote about the trail of wrinkled clothes that lead from one corner of her room to the other, hiding the stained carpet.  I also wrote about her caked on make-up and coffee stained teeth.

     “Is this how you see me?” she exclaimed.

     “Sometimes,” I replied “but that doesn’t change who you are.”

       We didn't talk for a month.  Now I wonder if family members and friends will see themselves in all my characters and be offended.  As writers, we become more observant to the world around us, and tend to use mannerisms of people we are familiar with both in fiction and nonfiction articles.  Will  family members or friends recognize a character trait in my story and assume I’m talking about them?

      When I write nonfiction, I tend to focus on articles I care about.  Sometimes you have to go out of your comfort zone and write about something you’re not sure about, but that’s where research comes in, and the story becomes part of you. Hopefully the power of my  words about the pain in my past relationship with an alcoholic will give some young woman strength to escape from a similar relationship. One day perhaps she’s sitting, not sure how to go on, and picks up a magazine. There’s my story. I got out, so could she.            

     As a writer I struggle with insecurities, but instead of keeping them bottled inside, I write.  If as writers we sit in silence, afraid we might hurt someone’s feelings; maybe we aren’t ready to be a writer. I’ve read many books and articles that affected me.  Reading the paper where political views are different then mine can get my blood boiling.  I might write a rebuttal, ponder, or work out how I can make a difference.  I believe in stem cell research, and many think it’s something we should stay away from. Does that mean I need to keep quiet, to keep others happy?

      To be a writer you must give some of yourself.  It could be time from your family, or maybe an embarrassing story about the time you wanted long fingernails and used a crayon sharpener hoping to make them longer.  How about the time my four year old made me want to bury my head in the sand. Her story ties in well with a parenting book I’m working on.   We were in a crowded bathroom and she decided to poop a family, “there goes mommy, there goes daddy, there goes brother, there goes grandma” then flushes. “Family all gone,” she shouted in glee. Snickers filtered through the stalls as I hid in my jacket. In ten years these memories might embarrass my daughter, but if I suppress everything that might be embarrassing I may run out of things to say.

         As a writer you need to step out of your comfort zone and write from your heart.  Don’t stop writing when it makes you uncomfortable. Capture those feelings and use them to your advantage in one of your writing endeavors.  Don’t walk on pins and needles.  If you do, you aren’t letting your words be free.

      I write because what I have to say may be important to someone else, and I’m passionate about what I write.  If I can’t be honest with myself, or pen and paper, maybe writing isn’t the career for me. If what I am writing will hurt my family’s feelings, instead of stifling the project that could truly help someone else have a better day, make them laugh, or have a well needed cry, maybe I need to come up with a good pen name.